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How can she be your true love? You're already cheating on her

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancée doesn't desire me, unless I turn her on mentally and emotionally in a big-production seduction. Looking at me is not enough. She doesn't just get the itch to make love because I'm in the room. But, that's the way I feel about her! When I take her out, I never know if she's going to want me or not, and it's driving me crazy. I'm highly sexed and need more lovin' than this. I hate to say this, but I have a backup girl I can see any time I want and she wants me bad, just because I present myself. She's as hot for my body as I am for hers, but she's not the one I love and not the one I want to desire me. If my fiancée knew about my sex buddy, she'd never speak to me again. -- Unwanted By My True Love

Dear Unwanted: Here's news: This woman you call your true love, is not. You don't marry anyone who isn't both friend and hot lover, or you will find yourself divorced down the line. When kids and stresses settle in, sex seems to settle down. That means you have to start off with a sex relationship that's burning and doesn't need coaxing. You already have an affair going and you're not even married to this woman. That should tell you something. In a long-lasting marriage, the spouse still gives their mate a little jolt of physical excitement when they enter the room -- though it may not be as strong and pressing as it used to. You need to read the letter below.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm just going to say this right out. I had sex with my husband's best man the night before the wedding. We were all staying in the same hotel. I felt it was something I had to get out of my system and I knew he wanted me, too. It only happened once, and it was actually disappointing, and I felt kind of bad afterwards. The sex went out of my marriage the last two years (after I caught him cheating) and I do know my husband. He still has another woman on the side. I am very angry. Although I have lost all desire for him I am still attracted to other men. I would like to get even and my thoughts have strayed to his brother again. His brother is not a very moral person and would do it again, if I ever gave the sign. It's all I think about. What is wrong with me? Please help. -- Broken Woman, Brandon

Dear Broken: Forget the brother and revenge -- a bad move all around. The truth is, you were never deeply in love. The last thing most brides have in mind the night before their wedding is sneaking to the hotel room of ANY other guy for a romp. If you're still curious about other men, then you don't get married. You tell your fiancé "I'm not sure" and take a break and satisfy your curiosity about other men. Then, if you think he's really the one and he'll consider taking you back, you explore the relationship again and make the commitment. With your husband, there's always been something missing. You put that wall between the two of you with a betrayal in the beginning, and it has grown thicker and divided you completely. You need to be free, and you don't need to get even. You got in the first blow to this marriage by sleeping with your fiancé's brother.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a fetish for red-haired women. The truth is I've never seriously dated anyone other than a red-haired gal. When my new girlfriend saw my picture album she noticed that "every last one" of my girlfriends had some shade of red hair. She said I was sick and only wanted her for her hair. I said that was foolish, that I loved her and her red hair both. Guys who only want dark-haired women would never be accused of this. What is wrong with her? I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. What do you think? -- Love Fiery Hair, East Kildonan

Dear Fiery: You like an unusual shade of hair and nobody of a different colour will do. This would bother most women. Look, you and I both know you wouldn't want to stay home with a red wig, but explain that to a woman who feels she's being objectified and would be the latest in a long string of women who look somewhat alike. Write back and tell me why you have this thing for redheads to the point where you exclude all others? Do you understand the beginnings of this desire?

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 22, 2011 A14

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