Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Hubby needs help to get over his secret porn addiction

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband, age 26, hides deep under the covers like a hibernating bear with the windows wide open (he insists). So I freeze! I have to go to another bedroom to sleep. Last night I was still in the hallway and heard the window close shut the very minute after I left. I waited a few minutes and peeked in the door. He was watching porn TV with headphones on! Why? We just made love. I am his bride and I love sex! He claims he can't stop the habit. Where did I go wrong? -- Bride Replaced By Porn

Dear Replaced: The porn-watching behaviour isn't new and you -- his willing wife -- are probably greatly loved and not to blame. But his double life got disrupted when you moved in with him and he lost his privacy to enjoy porn. He was able to hold out for a time, but now he's landed you and put a ring on it, he wants his double sex life back -- you in the flesh, and the babes on the screen. The cold bedroom ruse gets you out of his favourite TV watching area. So now he's busted, what are you going to do? If he's scared of losing you, he may be willing to get porn addiction therapy. If so, write me for names of therapists and groups. If he's not willing, you have a much bigger problem on your hands. Nobody wants to be married to someone who's not willing to get a divorce from his hotties on the screen.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I slapped my daughter's face for being mouthy to me and she slapped me right back, so I slapped her and then she slugged me really hard. She yelled, "This is over for good or we keep on, until one of us wins. I will not allow you to get away with abusing me anymore. I will call Child and Family and go live with strangers!" Then I just crumpled on the sofa and cried. She has been at my sister-in-law's for three horrible weeks. How can we possibly fix this, or is it impossible? I do love her, but she has to learn to behave and accept my authority. -- Distraught Mom, St. Boniface

Dear Distraught Mom: She has finally learned to use her fists, and you taught her well. At this point it's not safe to have the two of you under one roof. For now, she should stay with her auntie where it's safe, and you should get help for yourself. Some women consider face-slapping a free swipe. Ask yourself how it would feel if a bigger, larger man whacked you across the face. Is that not abuse? When you strike your teenager, you are in a position of authority, hold the purse strings, control the roof over her head, plus she probably loves you. That's physical, mental and emotional abuse you're meting out and you've been getting away with it for a long time. Once you've had help, the two of you need relationship counselling together. . . . Physical abuse is unnecessary; you have an adult brain and speech. Think about this: You'd never get away with slapping the faces of people at work if you had a conflict with them. You already know there are other ways of working things out, and they all involve talking and listening. Make a first appointment with a relationship counsellor today, or call free Klinic counselling at 784-4067.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

 

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 6, 2010 D4

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