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I can't help you if you won't tell me the whole story

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our daughter and son-in-law have been married over 20 years. When they lived closer, we'd drive to visit them. Our son-in-law has never felt comfortable around us, so we wouldn't stay long. After many incidents we ignored over the years, we don't feel welcome to visit again. Since they've moved quite a distance, we haven't been asked, and don't feel we can just drop in unexpectedly. My suggestion that we'd stay at a hotel and take our grandson on a holiday with us, was simply ignored. Our son-in-law won't visit us at all, so when our daughter and grandson do stop in, it's for very brief visits. While visits with HIS parents are for days, visits with us will only be for hours! Our daughter is anxious to return to her husband. What can we do to see our daughter and grandson more often, and perhaps make our son-in-law think better of us?

-- Missing Our Family, Winnipeg


Dear Missing: Large pieces are missing from the puzzle you present. This is an anonymous letter, so it makes sense to include all the pertinent facts, instead of hiding them. Why is your son-in-law uncomfortable around you? What incidents happened? Is somebody alcoholic in this mix? Smoking or not allowed to smoke? Short-Tempered? Violent? As for taking your grandson away on holiday, it's not surprising they ignored that request, since they don't want to be in your company themselves. Why is your daughter so anxious to run back to her husband? Do you disagree over things? Is he possessive and abusive? Write back and tell me what's really going on, so I can help you properly.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to "Hmmmm," saying that the gay man's mother should keep trying to make him straight. Well, obviously he's happy being gay or he'd oblige Mom. I, personally love being gay and no one could change that. Maybe I'm biased, but I know many gay men and women who are happy with the person they are. It's homophobic people who tell them they should change, that they should become straight because straight is right. If I had the choice I would choose being gay, because I love it. And I did have two wonderful parents growing up! And newsflash, homosexuality has been present in society and nature for hundreds of years. It wasn't until the church was formed that it became a bad thing.

-- Just Sayin', St. James


Dear Just Sayin': We don't know if disapproval of homosexuality coincided with the start of the church, but it's been around in different cultures and different times, for centuries, perhaps since the beginning of time, and it's caused a lot of pain and anguish for people.


Dear Miss Loneyhearts: This is to the reader "Hmmmm," who refers to the gay man's lifestyle as a "problem." Being gay is not a problem; your attitude is. Also, I would like to ask "Hmmmm" how they would explain how a child, who may be raised by two gay parents, can grow up to be straight? You say it's a "problem created by society"? Well this scenario would prove it's not. Your theory is way off base.

-- Irritated, Winnipeg


Dear Irritated: Finding someone to love who is a great person is the primary task in this life if you're a couples type and want a warm and happy life. The fuss people make over other people's sexual orientation is a waste of energy that could be put into loving a fine person, the dear friends surrounding both people, and two lines of extended families.


Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 2, 2009 D3

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