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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
If you decide not to go you'll always wish you had
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a beautiful woman (inside and out) on a trip to Paris this summer and it was a very romantic time. We fell deeply in love. But, I was going back to Winnipeg and she was on a career path she could never match here. Plus, she loves her family, whom I didn't get a chance to meet (country folk). It's been heartbreaking without her the last month and now she says she wants me to come back for Christmas and meet her parents. I can see where this might lead. Obviously I don't have a career that matches hers and I'd be the one who had to move and leave this country. I love and my friends and family. Should I agree to go for Christmas? I ache for her, and have no one here that even touches her, but I love my hockey, the snow and my lifestyle here. I'm 30, if it makes any difference. -- Heartsick But Torn.
Dear Heartsick: At 30, you go for that Christmas adventure. This is a genuine life drama offered to you when you're old enough to feel marriage-love, and it'd be a mistake to wimp out. It's far better to take the chance and see where the romance goes, than to spend your whole life wondering if she was "The One" and you settled for someone you didn't love as much, just so you could stay home. Of course, you may go to France and discover the summer romance has paled, or meet the family and feel like an unwanted outsider. These things matter. If the romance slides, you can go home in peace knowing it wouldn't have worked out anyway. But, there's a good chance it could be wonderful. Don't go with a negative attitude, but with an open mind and the knowledge that many of your questions will be answered. In the meantime brush up on your French, find out what Christmas in France is like, and don't expect Grandma to speak English for you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My stay-at-home wife used to be a wild-and-crazy fun woman and a hellcat in bed. I married her for those reasons. Now we have two young kids, and she has morphed into the most conservative safety-conscious person on the planet. How can I get her to loosen up again? The twins are growing up now. Well, they're half-grown. She won't leave them with a babysitter, even her mother, who would treat them like gold and watch over them and keep them overnight. (Her mother) has asked plenty of times. -- Missing My "Original" Wife
Dear Missing: Lots of wives would love the chance to leave the kids with a totally trustable babysitter and go out to have fun and make mad, passionate love without kids nearby. Here are three scenarios that might interfere:1) your wife doesn't trust her mother for some reason you don't know 2) something traumatic happened to your wife with a babysitter 3) she doesn't want to be with you romantically anymore. When a partner is reluctant to reveal the reason for something, the trick is to play "guess" and watch that person's face and body as you GENTLY bring up possible reasons. You may see an involuntarily jerk in the person's body, when you hit the right reason Then stop and try to get a conversation going on that topic. As for the change in your lady's personality, ask yourself if you've been pulling weight in parenting, and if your wife seems fatigued or depressed. Could she use hired cleaning help, a doctor's checkup, going back to work, marriage counselling? Find out! Ask her what she really needs.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 1, 2010 D4
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