Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
It doesn't sound like he's the right one for you
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ended up falling for my best guy friend. He's really everything I've been looking for and is very respectful of me. We've been off-and-on for the past eight months due to his being very sensitive and private. I've always known this about him but thought it would change as we got more serious. I know these problems are due to his past, but he is very stubborn and would never get help. The problem is he doesn't completely include me in his life and is always afraid of getting hurt. I have never met his family and only know a few of his friends. He says he'll let me meet them when he's ready, but it's been how long now? I feel like I deserve to be included in his life. I've completely brought him into my life and have proved to him in countless ways that he can trust me to not hurt him. -- Stay or Go? St. Vital
Dear Stay or Go: Eight months of on and off, and can't meet his family when he's already met yours? When best buddies transform into a couple, there should be no getting-to-know-you hesitation like this. He's treating you like a new person to him -- a stranger. Do you really need a worry-riddled boyfriend like this? You should feel joyful and free these days, not constrained and inhibited. And, here's another question to ponder: Why would you think a guy who has been one way a long time will suddenly change his character and personality when he has a girlfriend?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my kids more than my husband and he doesn't get it. I gave birth to them and they will be with me forever. They will never cheat on me, like he does once every few years (when I catch him). Why wouldn't I love them more, even though I will never leave him? -- Old-Fashioned Catholic Girl, St. Boniface.
Dear Old-Fashioned: Would it be OK with you if your husband said he loved the kids more than he loves you? Just as there are many words for snow in the North, there should be many words for love in our language. The love you feel for your children is a different kind from what you feel for a spouse. You can't compare the two. But, it's a handy way to hurt him for cheating on you. Is that your underlying purpose?
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 19, 2012 D5
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