Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
It might be completely innocent, but she owes you an explanation
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is an executive in a job she says she "loves" who is now coming home late and tired from work to the point of needing to nap, before even talking to me. This started with the arrival of this new salesman whose name she drops frequently without noticing. She also talks about how "hot" her female employees think the new guy is, and laughs this phoney laugh about it. "Do you think he's hot, too?" I asked her Sunday night and she turned her back and said, "No!" too loudly. A few weeks ago she started answering the telephone upstairs and now she's switched to her cell. When I came into the kitchen yesterday and she was on her cell, she stepped into the pantry and shut the door and yelled out, "This is private. One of my friends is having a problem!' So why couldn't I hear? Is she having an affair, or am I losing my mind? -- Sick to My Stomach, Weston
Dear Sick: She may be innocent, but your gut instinct is on high alert, and her behaviour is suspect. Maybe she's ready to get caught but doesn't want to be first to say "we're through." You need to find out. Here are two possibilities: 1) Say nothing, and have your wife followed by a friend or private detective. 2) Wake her up from the next nap, and before she gets all her protections in place, ask if she's having an affair with this guy. Talk about the sneaky phone behaviour, coming home late, naps (to get away from you and how sick you are feeling in your gut.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help! My son and his wife are leaving for work in another province and I won't be able to see their baby girl (my darling grandchild) until summer. I'm as attached to that baby as I was to my own kids because I babysit her five days a week now. I'm heartsick, can't eat and tear up easily. They are all hepped up about the big adventure and the big-money jobs, and they have a place to live in the basement of a friend's bungalow. But, they have only the one friend there, and no babysitter and my daughter-in-law has no work and will be lonely. I'm afraid for all of them. I don't know how to behave. I have to chew my lip not to cry in their presence. My husband says, "They'll be back; they have no idea how good they've got things in Manitoba." I never think of Manitoba that way, because I'm from Toronto. I have to go now, because the tears are coming again. -- Broken-Hearted Grandma.
Dear Broken: Your best attitude is to behave like a loving mom when her son goes off to college, excited about his future. Say to him, "Have a wonderful adventure and we'll always be here if you want to come back. You could always stay with us until you get re-launched here." You know they're going to be homesick, and lacking friends and money for a while, and it's not going to be easy. So don't make any guilt-inducing comments to add to their angst! Meanwhile, promise to fly to visit them, and download www.skype.com for free video phone calls where you can see each other. You'll both need a videocam and a microphone -- a parting gift you could send off with them.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 8, 2010 D8
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