DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just met a woman I thought I could love and we had one great month of love, and then she started to unload all her problems. Now I know more than I want to know about her bad teeth, her distant father, her alcoholic mother in Ontario, her bills, her creditors and her difficult kids. A month ago I thought I'd found the woman I wanted to marry. and I told her so, right off -- love at first sight. Four weeks later, I'm preparing to run and I'm scared she's going to do harm to herself because I'll be "one more man" who's broken her heart. How do I get out of this, but more importantly, how do I trust my own judgment next time? This is not the first time I totally misjudged a woman. I'm a smart guy in business and a stupid guy with women, let's face it. Please send me your advice on how to spot a wingnut off the top and avoid this from happening ever again. -- Born to be Single? Fort Garry
Dear Single: "Infatuation sex" ranks right up there with "make-up sex" for high heat and emotion. Since you didn't find out anything about this woman's life in the first month, it's likely you spent most of your time going out for fun and home to bed together. "Love at first sight" is really love without listening. Had you talked a lot and asked questions with messy-answer possibilities, you might have walked away quietly breathing a sigh of relief, before you even tried the sex. Granted, talking is risky. It can dissipate the feelings of awe and wonderment you feel when you just imagine how wonderful this attractive person might be. But, if you prolong the affectionate friendship while you get to know one another to a depth, you'll make a much better decision about whether you want to join in a real relationship.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think my girlfriend is stealing money from me. The first few times I went out with her, she asked me to help her out with the rent and food and I did. Then I said I wouldn't do any more of that because I was becoming her boyfriend. Then she said she'd have to get the money "somewhere else." Lately, she seems to be falling in love with me, but she still needs extra money and she doesn't have a real job. She says she "wasn't made to be a workhorse." And now I notice I never have the same amount of money in my pockets in the morning as I think I had, especially when she's around, but not by so much I should notice. I often carry $400-$500 with me and I might be down $40 after spending a night with her. Do you think she is stealing from me instead of hooking? -- Getting Robbed? Downtown
Dear Robbed: Let's be frank, since you brought up the topic of hooking. The sum of $40 isn't a full night's income. Perhaps she was doing it full time in the beginning and didn't mind asking you for cash as a customer. (Requesting "help with the rent" is a common way to ask for payment, a polite kind of code.) Then you two started having feelings for each other. She was thinking of you as a boyfriend and didn't want to go out to work so much anymore. Had you taken her on as a kept woman, she might have stopped altogether. Now she supplements her earnings with cash from your pockets... and whatever else. By the way, why are you carrying so much money at a time? Are you gambling, dealing, what? Both of you need to get "real jobs" because nothing can turn you into a workhorse faster than hooking or doing illegal activities for a crime boss at any level.
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