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It's not a match; you need a new partner Miss Lonelyhearts

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want sex in the morning before work and in the evening before going to sleep. My boyfriend and I work the day shift and there's no reason why we can't have sex at 7 a.m. and 11 p.m. He can do it, and I want it. We're both in our mid-20s and my pulse is racing. I must be peaking early for a woman. He says he only wants sex three times a week, and he's sorry but I must be a bit "oversexed." His last girlfriend only wanted it three times a week. -- Not Over-Sexed!?? West End

Dear Over-Sexed? Let's do the math. You want sex 14 times a week and he wants it three -- quite a difference. You might also want a little romp on a weekend afternoon, and why not? But this guy is not ready, willing and able to give you what you need, joyfully. You're simply not a match. You are not OVERsexed and he is not UNDERsexed. You are just DIFFERENTLY sexed. Bid this guy a fast adieu. You don't want to be mocked over your sexuality and neither does he. You're both normal, but you need new and different partners.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now and I couldn't ask for a more perfect man -- strong friend, great communication, many common interests and the physical part of our relationship has never faltered and is beyond satisfactory. I don't even notice other men on the street when I have my arm through his. However, a small disturbance is happening on the horizon. A man whom I met before has recently contacted me via the computer. Before my current boyfriend, this man had me wrapped around his finger. We stopped contacting each other about six years ago because he moved away. But he's back and something about his reckless abandon and his undeniable charm just makes my heart race. No other person has this effect on me. I've recently seen him in public from afar, and I actually had to turn in the opposite direction and get away from the electrifying and scary responses within myself. I can't get him out of my mind -- not in a completely physical sense, either; I just want to talk to him, laugh with him, and for that I feel guilty. I have an amazing man in my life and I feel frustrated that this reckless, charming prince can put that in jeopardy so quickly with such ease. Please help me! -- Charmed & Frustrated

Dear Charmed; You only stopped contact with The Prince because he moved away for a number of years. You use words of high romance to describe him and his effect on you. But you say the relationship with your newer man is based on his being perfect and the sex being "beyond satisfactory." Whoopee ding. You feel great as long as you're on his arm -- but what about when he's gone? You're daydreaming about another guy! One man simply doesn't compare to the other. Find out if the wildly attractive man is free and mature now and if he wants a relationship with you. Or is he just yanking your chain to see if you're ga-ga over him now he's back in town? If he's all grown up and you two still have that kind of powerful attraction, you're going to have to give that relationship another try. It isn't fair to the guy you're with now to be kept around as a sensible match. He's more than a friend, but less than your perfect lover. That's not enough for a marriage that needs 50 per cent friendship and 50 per cent sexual attraction to last. Don't underestimate sex; it's bio-glue.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 7, 2010 A52

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