Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Just have fun in new sexual relationship

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a fairly inexperienced guy when it comes to sex; I've only had sex a couple of times in my life. I recently started seeing a girl and it's getting to the point that it's going to become sexual. she has the impression I've been with a lot of girls, and my fear is that once we start having sex, the jig will be up and it won't be as good, or last as long, as what she's expecting. I'm not sure what I should do. Should I say something or just do it and act like it's no big deal? -- Confused In Charleswood

Dear Confused: Think of John Mayer's song Your Body is a Wonderland and take your time exploring. Don't say anything to cast doubt on yourself, and certainly don't apologize ahead of time. A romantic sexual relationship doesn't hinge on one time. Just have fun really liking your experiences with this girl, wanting to bring her joy and pleasure, and you'll be fine. If you want to lessen the speed of the first encounter, engage in some self-stim before you get together for the tryst and bring food and special drinks for afterwards. To make yourself feel more confident you could pick up some additional skills through books. There are some fantastic books in big box stores. If you're shy about paying at the counter, order by overnight mail from online bookstores like Amazon. After the first few times, you and your girlfriend might have fun looking through the books together to see what appeals to both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've recently become aware that my father has been actively hiding his financial details from my mother for the last decade or so. Their situation is quite dire, but he's spun a fantastic web of lies and half-truths that pin the blame on other people. He's also borrowed large amounts of money from family members and others on false pretenses, putting one of us in a particularly bad situation and the rest of us at a definite loss. He says he'll soon be getting enough money to solve all of our problems, but we now know that this is just a story. He's also blissfully unaware that most of the family knows what's actually going on, and we've all been tip-toeing around emotionally unstable mom in fear of letting the cat out of the bag and causing her a nervous breakdown. Normally, I'd say their money problems aren't our business, but his have managed to continually affect the finances of the entire family, and he seems to prefer dragging all of us into bankruptcy with him rather than taking responsibility for his own financial mistakes. What to do? -- Worried About My Kids, Winnipeg

Dear Worried; This would be an excellent time to spend some money consulting with an accountant, lawyer and your mom's doctor. Encourage other members of your family to pitch in for expenses and get as much of the mess out on the table as you can. On a second meeting, invite your dad. He has gotten away with a lot, is causing pain to everyone, and he stands to lose his whole family. Where is all this money going? Drinking? Drugs, prescription or otherwise? Gambling? You don't have to go to casinos to gamble. Lots of people hide out and bet from little pubs, or go to private gambling clubs in the city. By the way, your mom may be emotionally unstable, but she probably already knows about the money mess. She sees the mail, may hear phone calls from creditors, know what's hidden, and have information from papers carelessly left out.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 29, 2010 C7

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