Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Keep digging, but do it without mom

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started working on my ancestry on my dad's side -- no problem. But, when I started on my 80-year-old mother's side, she clammed up and tried to stop me. She started crying when I asked her questions about her family tree, and I thought she was crying because she missed her folks. Ha! It turns my mother is really a bigot, which disappoints me. She isn't white enough for her liking, and neither am I, I guess. Her grandfather was a black gentleman from the States, which I find very interesting and not at all off-putting (explains my curly hair). Now, she's embarrassed because she passed for white all her life and wanted it kept that way. Who the heck cares in this day and age? She wants me to quit but I want to go on? Do I owe her that "respect" as she calls it? Frankly, I'd like to meet any American family we might have. -- Curiouser and Curiouser, North Kildonan

Dear Curiouser: You're an adult, probably in your 50s, so continue your ancestral hunt, but don't pass on each new piece of information to your mother as it comes, and stop asking her for stories. You can get juicy family information elsewhere. There are many other sources in families, particularly the aunts and uncles who aren't so conservative, and their sons and daughters who heard the stories coming down. Some of those people might balk at talking, or they might not know anything, but the odd person will turn on like a tap and not turn it off until you're ready to quit listening. Bring a tape recorder. If you come up with something exciting -- like you're related to the Obamas -- Mama might want to hear it after all.

Calling all cheaters

Free Press advice columnist Miss Lonelyhearts wants to hear your two-timing tales for a feature story on cheating. Whether you're married, committed, single or same-sex, tell Miss L why you cheat and how you manage it. Do you have rules, like no hanky-panky unless it's out of town? What about the Internet? Cybersex? Naughty videos? Is it cheating to look at sexy pictures of others or do you actually have to make contact with someone? Where do you draw the line -- or is there one -- if nobody will find out? Do you feel it hurts or helps your primary relationship? Tell it like it is, for you!

E-mail your secrets to lovecoach@hotmail.com or, for total anonymity, write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last night I witnessed my mom slapping my father across the face. He just stood there and took it. Then my mother went upstairs to her room, and started crying. My father went out to the car and took off, gunning the motor. An hour later he came home and went to his room. About 20 minutes later my mother came down the hall and went into his room and shut the door. I went into my closet and plastered my ear against the wall. All I could make out was a bunch of low talk and then my mother saying clearly, "And if you ever see that woman again. I will leave you and take our daughter." I'm 16 and my world is falling apart! Should I talk to my mother? Would that be enough to split them right apart, knowing I already know? I'm their only child. By the way, they've had separate bedrooms for two years now, but she visits and I've heard them having sex. -- Nervous and Scared, South End

Dear Scared: Because your mom knew you were in the house when she slapped your dad, she took a chance you'd hear or see. Go ahead and speak up. If a breakup is about to happen, you're not the cause of it, even if you ask about what you saw. The problems are between your mother and father, not caused by you. Don't think, "If I had behaved better or had done this or that differently, they'd still be happy." That's simply wrong, because it's their adult romantic relationship that's in a mess, not the family relationship involving you. You're probably the bright part. If they split up. you will still have parent-child relationships with both of them. Your school counsellors can also help you cope with fallout from the confrontation.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 3, 2010 C9

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

Your top TV picks for this week - December 8-12

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A group of Horese pose for the camera in the early evening light at Southcreek Stables in Stl Norbert Wednessday. Sept  14, 2011 (RUTH BONNEVILLE) / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • Marc Gallant / Winnipeg Free Press. Local- Weather standup. Sundog. Refraction of light through ice crystals which caused both the sun dog and and fog along McPhillips Road early Wednesday morning. 071205.

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Now that former cabinet minister Theresa Oswald has entered the NDP leadership race, do you believe the "gang of five" rebel ministers were right to publicly criticize Premier Greg Selinger's leadership?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google