Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Keep hands to yourself

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last week, my husband of 35 years and I went to a concert. I was at the end of the row. A drunk girl kept coming through, over and over. Just as the concert was starting there she was again! Having "had it," I pushed her so she'd move past me quicker. She stopped and looked right into my eyes and threatened to punch me in the face. I ignored her and she left, the altercation lasted about a minute. I then turned to my husband and asked why he didn't intervene, he said simply he "doesn't confront women." I was in shock and hurt. Am I being overly sensitive here or should he have supported me and stood up for me? -- State of Shock, Winnipeg.

Dear Shock: You put your hands on this woman and gave her body a shove -- that's assault. As we say to little children who raise their fists, "Use your words." Although it's annoying to have drunk people going back and forth in front of you at a concert, you can't lay a finger on them. No wonder she threatened to punch you. And thank goodness your husband didn't get into the fight. Is this a red flag about him? Heck no. He's the smart one in your domestic duet. Had you told this annoying woman in a voice that was loud enough to be heard by others who might chime in, this concert-goer might have been embarrassed and stayed sitting down. When you get physical, you lose everyone's sympathy. So sit on your itchy hands. And start being nice to your poor husband. This violent behaviour is a red flag about you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've learned after eight months my boyfriend has a deviant past. He shared with me he was sexually abused as a child by multiple people. He was promiscuous since he was eight with males and females, used every type of drug for recreation and used to drink almost daily. He's cheated in several of his past relationships for revenge. He suffers frequent anxiety attacks, and is attempting to get help for this. I worry I've gotten myself into a relationship that's destined to fail. He says he's no longer promiscuous, doesn't use drugs and only drinks heavily on social occasions. He claims to believe in monogamy. We do make a cute couple. Should I be running away screaming? -- Loving the present, Winnipeg Area.

Dear Loving The Present: It's one thing to be sympathetic to a reformed person, and another to put yourself in danger. Understandably your new guy was afraid of your reaction but he deprived you of the choices you could make to protect your life. Is he carrying any sexually transmitted viruses? If you knew from the start, you'd have used a combo of safe sex methods. Where is he on the sexual preference continuum. Is he bisexual? Most guys can handle monogamy in the first months of relationship but is that taboo gone for your guy once he's bored? Ask 100 more questions and have twin STI tests before you make a decision to stay -- cute or not.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 25, 2010 D6

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