-- Miserable, Winnipeg
Dear Miserable: Beware! Those are crocodile tears, and if you talk to him he'll try to suck you back in. Instead, take your pup to the vet for verification of the beating, and call the Winnipeg Humane Society for their advice. Lay charges, if you can. If he'd treat your little dog like that when you're out of sight, how would he treat babies and children? And how would he treat YOU, once he thought he had you? Let's look at the "romance" style that fooled you -- charming surface personality and rotten character. That's like a fancy house sitting on a rickety foundation, ready to collapse at the first stressor. Some abusers act like Prince Charming, then marry the woman who becomes his possession. Then the cruel streak comes out. Over the years, I can't count the number of women who got the first beating from a fake prince when they were hugely pregnant, and no longer able to be fully devoted and sexual. Put new deadbolt locks on your doors today, since he may have secretly made a copy of your keys.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've lived with my boyfriend at his family's place for about 1.5 years. Lately we've been having stupid, pointless fights every few days. I hate it. I really want us to get our own place as I think that the stress his family puts us through is what's causing problems. I think he's scared to move out, or just doesn't want to, as he always come up with excuses. What can I do to give him that extra push? I love him so much, and he's the man I want to marry, but I'm scared continued fights will end our relationship.
-- Stressed and In Love, Winnipeg
Dear Stressed: How about what he wants? It takes two. You want to move out and get married, and he doesn't want that with you right now, or maybe forever. Instead of telling you, he's fomenting fights to get you to pull the pin for him. Holing up in his parents basement probably felt cozy and fun at first. Now the pressure is on for a grown-up situation. Reclaim your power and dignity by quietly moving out with some girlfriends, not home to Mom. He may panic and chase you with a ring, but it's more likely he'll sigh with relief.
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