DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: About three months ago my best friend introduced me to a guy. I started to like him, and he led me on until he got what he needed in bed -- and planned on continuing until I called him out on it. After I ended things with the first guy, I started talking to his house-mate more -- a guy I thought was pretty great from the get-go, and we developed feelings for each other. I kept these feelings to myself so I didn't make things uncomfortable with the first guy But then this new guy told me the first guy told him to use me the same way he did! I felt so hurt and embarrassed! I now ignore first guy, and the second guy and I have been spending a lot of time together. Nobody, and I mean nobody, approves of this, including my best friend! This new guy just got out of a relationship, and told me he isn't ready for a new one. I completely understand and respect that and am on the same page. Why doesn't everybody butt out and let me be happy, whether we are "dating" or just spending time together as friends? -- Sick of the Drama:
Dear Sick Of the Drama: It's time to stop hanging around the Animal House where you get no respect. If this second guy cares, he'll come looking for you. For three months you've spent time in this house of male room mates, and have slept with two of them, without having a real relationship. You say you're on the same page with this second roommate, but it's a hurtful book called No Relationships. You're trying to be cool when you know you'd prefer a warm, loving relationship. If you really care about guy No. 2, invite him to get in touch when he's over his need to be free agent and he's interested in a real relationship, but don't wait by the phone. Clearly these guys discuss the women in and out of their lives. If this guy is having sex with you and telling you hurtful gossip -- yet offering no relationship himself -- he may be a slightly more polite version of the first guy.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an abnormally large appetite for everything -- food, cigars, alcohol, drugs, and sex. As a result I'm getting fat and sick. I got drunk with a friend on the weekend who asked me "What's eating you so bad you have to constantly be cramming things in your mouth to stay level?" At first I was mad at her but then I had a kind of hallucination and started to see myself as a great big out-of-control baby who's so sad inside I just keep trying to fill the empty hole. I stopped everything cold turkey and cried all weekend and felt like I was having a breakdown. Don't worry. They won't have to haul me away in a white jacket. I'm OK, just very sad. I'm a pathetic mess and I realize I'm self-destructive too because I'm getting more and more unhealthy and I will die young, fat and addicted at the rate I'm going. Please help. -- Big Fat Loser
Dear Big: This is turn-around time for you. Embrace it, and thank the person who shocked you out of stuffing yourself with things that don't fill the gap. You may have a lot of problems, but intelligence is not one of them. Your letter was insightful, and you're taking the first big step -- facing up, opening to change. Don't call this a breakdown; call it a breakthrough -- and dial your attitude to fixing mode.You finally know why you're stuffing yourself -- you feel empty of the good stuff in life -- love, friends who love and respect you, intellectual stimulation, laughter, rewarding work. That means you need to fill yourself up with the things that will satisfy you -- starting with increased education for your smart mind, leading to more fulfilling work. Then sort out your friends, the good from the bad influences. Counselling and emotional repairs will do you a world of good in this mode. And, if you're missing love and romance in your life, work on all the things that'll help you attract a match for the best you. Part of romance is physical and losing excess poundage will help with attraction and confidence. Some Tips: 1) Losing weight is a lot easier if you are not smoking marijuana and getting the munchies. 2) Exercise, like walking 30 minutes twice a day, will bump up your metabolism, clear your mind and elevate your mood. 3) Getting a friend or two on board can help you stick with a fitness program.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email firstname.lastname@example.org