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Let him know there's more to the cottage than outdoor sex

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DEAR MISS LONEYHEARTS: When we go to the cottage, it feels like going to prison. We are in an isolated spot and my husband wants to spend the whole time having a sex fest with me. As well as three hearty meals a day, which (to give him credit) he cooks, he wants sex three and four times a day, every which way, indoors and out, lots of sound and fury. We scare the birds and woodland animals, I fear. We have no kids yet and no dogs to howl when he's panting after me. I am a city girl with little experience in the woods, so it is a little boring up there. He's after me for entertainment and we're newlyweds. Don't get me wrong. He's a good lover, but it's way too much. -- Object of a Satyr's Desire, East Kildonan

Dear Object: Your man has sex on his mind because he feels there's nothing much to do out there with his city-slicker woman. So, change that up. Invite friends, organize card and Scrabble tournaments, take up fishing (yes, you can fish!), buy a second-hand canoe and go exploring, start projects that require physical labour, such as building a little guest cottage, arrange weekend derbies, explore the nearest towns. You must also tell him outright, you're happy with sex twice a day but this content sexual overenthusiasm of his is blunting your passion for him. Instruct him to play "hard to get" once in awhile and the result will be hot, passionate and aggressive sex from your side. Then follow through.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw an old boyfriend at a barbecue in Wolseley and he came out to greet me in the dark by the garden arbour. I went to kiss him on the cheek and hit the corner of his mouth, so we naturally slid into a passionate kiss on the mouth that left me stirred. I could think of nothing else the whole party. We ended up meeting in the hallway near the bathroom and got into a closet with a lot of sheets necking passionately. Believe me, I have been going crazy all week thinking about him. We haven't spoken of it since, and I am feeling so conflicted. I want more, and I also think I should never see him again. My husband seemed OK before but now he seems barely adequate. We have two children and another one on the way. I know it seems weird for a pregnant woman to be up to this. Don't judge me. It just happened and it could happen to anybody. -- Obsessed with his Fiery Kisses, St. James

Dear Obsessed: North Americans are not good at enjoying a stolen moment without projecting it into the future as a possible relationship. In your case, as a pregnant mother of almost three, it's dangerous to let yourself obsess this way. Project ahead to the unromantic outcome -- an affair and breakup and a baby coming. It was probably nothing but a fun moment for this guy ---- and even if it weren't, it's not worth the ruination of a young family. Instead, enjoy the fantasy and transfer it over to a sexy moment with your husband, or let it go and resolve itself into a dew (thank you, Shakespeare). You're not in love with this old boyfriend; he's just a blast from the past! Pull your loving husband into a closet and see if he's startled into some unexpected stand-up passion. Use the party incident as kindling for a new fire with the man who loves you and is having more children with you.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 31, 2011 A15

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