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Look outside seniors' home for compatible sex partner

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in my 80s and feel stupid writing you, but I need some help. I live in a seniors' residence and have met a lady friend. She wants sex and I'm still able to provide it. My late wife and I had a very active sex life and I led a healthy life with lots of exercise. The trouble is she thinks we should declare ourselves a couple before we do this. I want no part of that. I was married to the same woman for 60 years and I finally got some freedom. There are other women who are interested in me here. How do I persuade her there's no desire in me for a second courtship and marriage? I loved my wife dearly but, I felt tied down. What do I say to this woman, who is very nice to me and wants sex? I'd like to be friends and have sex with her ---- Free at Last, But Interested

Dear Free But Interested: You can't go from flower to flower in the seniors residence or there will be lots of trouble. If you want to be free, you need to get involved in lots of activities outside the residence where you will meet women from different places. And you need to be honest with them. There are lots of women who don't want to have to "look after a man again," especially if they nursed their husband for the last years of their lives. Don't look at this woman as your only opportunity to have sex. Cast your net further and see who you can find that feels the same way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Four of my girlfriends have now declared themselves two lesbian couples and I am the odd one out. I am literally the fifth wheel. One couple is even talking engagement, which I think is way too soon. I can't find a new woman I love or even like and I am lonely and left out of their double dates. So, one of my bisexual friends finally took me to a party where I met a nice bisexual woman. I like her, but I don't like it that she occasionally likes to be with a man. Am I a fool to start seeing her? She's so much fun and we get along great. My lesbian friends are not impressed. They say she will only cause me grief. I don't necessarily want to be with her for a long time, but the two gays couples don't want her around. Why is it any of their business if she's with me? -- My Business, Downtown

Dear My Business: You've made it their business by asking for their approval. Relationships are best left between the two people considering each other, and then presented as a done deal. The two couples would just have to accept her, if that's what you decreed. It's better for you to back off this two-couple clique now and let them do their domestic bliss planning. Singles of any sexual preference have the same problem when their friends get into marriage mode. It's icky for a single person to listen to all that stuff. As for your possible romance, proceed slowly. Don't make her the answer to your loneliness, but rather a new person to discover at a cautious pace. Also keep your eyes open for a woman who's more like you, and will not be hankering for a man once in awhile.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 6, 2011 D5

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