Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Lost your zing? If you swing it might sting, and cost you your wedding ring

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife wants me to consider swinging, of all things. I don't want to meet other couples with the intention of having sex with them. I'm happy with things the way they are. I'd "almost" prefer it if she had someone else on the side I didn't know about. She never had anyone before me, as we were high school sweethearts. I was two years older, and not a virgin myself. She says she still loves me, but she's curious about others. This makes me feel nervous and miserable. I love her so much and I'm terrified of losing her and our family if I say no. I'm all churned up inside just writing to you. What should I do? -- Upset By Swinging, Winnipeg

Dear Upset: You should never do anything that's repugnant to you sexually. Could your wife be satisfied with role-playing games instead, so it feels like she's experiencing sex with a new person but it's really just the two of you? That may leave you feeling, "Why am I not enough as I am?" but the reality of this situation is she's curious about other ways and other people and something needs to be done. Some female-oriented romance/sex movies might satisfy her visual curiosity. Initiate the movie idea first, and see if she doesn't start looking at you with a bit of a surprise. It could be her thoughts are straying to others because she's bored of the same old routine with you. You can certainly change the routine. If all partners aren't willing, swinging isn't a good idea, and even then it can backfire. What if you did it and found a new woman you preferred having sex with? Ask your wife how she'd feel about that. She may not have thought of anything except her own adventure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into an old boyfriend at St. Vital Centre. I had no idea he lived so close to me. We sat down for a coffee that lasted two hours. We had so much in common and so many people to discuss. As we were leaving he walked me outside the door and he said by my car, "I just have to do this once for old times sake" and he kissed me passionately. I heard myself saying "Could we just sit in my car for a while?" and that started an hour of passionate necking. Yes, I know I am a married woman, but I couldn't stop myself. When we parted we both agreed we couldn't afford to see each other again, but I am on fire for him ever since then. Oddly enough, that has made the sex great with my husband, but it isn't enough. I want my old boyfriend again and every day is a fight not to phone him at his work. HELP -- Hot For Him, St. Vital

Dear Hot: You two broke up and married other people in the end. Try hard to remember what the problems were and what you'd see as soon as you got past sex with this old boyfriend. You say the sex with your husband is great, fuelled by this desire for the other man. Enjoy that for all it's worth, realizing that temptation comes to challenge most marriages every once in a while. This may be the first temptation but that doesn't mean you have to leave everything you have and go for it. You'll note the ex-boyfriend hasn't called you. If you're terrified you're going to call him, talk to your husband about running into this old boyfriend and he may share a challenge or two of his own, which will pour a cold pail of water over your head.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonely-hearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 15, 2012 A15

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