Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Many ways to keep ex from listening in

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just saw the moving van pull up in front of my block and watched the new tenants moving in. Imagine my surprise when I recognized the cursing driver at the wheel as my ex-husband from 12 years ago. He was with this cranky new wife and she was giving him an ear ringer. I stayed in my apartment with the windows all open, and listened. Whoa! I thought I was bad enough. She's tough and more than a handful. They moved in their stuff and they're going to be living right underneath me. OMG! This is a problem. My bedroom will be right above theirs. I am noisy when I'm in that bedroom with my fiancé and the wall and floors are not soundproof. What do you suggest? My ex will recognize my particular brand of noise and it might attract his notice. I don't need this. Any suggestions? -- Loud and Proud, Wolseley

Dear Loud: I'm not so sure you don't want your ex to hear you. What a wonderful way to irritate both of them! You have to know that making a huge noise when making love is a choice. So you could choose a reasonably quieter mode when you know neighbours don't want to share in your mounting ecstasy. Having said that, there are several ways to cope if you insist on being free: 1) Switch your living room and bedroom. 2) Pile one rug over another. 3) Use a music system to confuse the sounds. 4) Bite a pillow like they did in Victorian days.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 42 and knocked up. I say that expression laughingly because I couldn't be more pleased. My doctor said I could probably never have kids and here I am, in the last inning, with a baby on the way. I don't live with my boyfriend, but we have been together for two years. I am tickled, but he is not. He's embarrassed at the moment, but I hope that will be replaced by "interested" one day soon. Even so, I have a pile of money saved because I'm a bit of a cheapskate when it comes to spending on myself. I own my own business and baby will go to work with me. Now how do I manipulate the father into wanting to be daddy? -- Delighted, Pregnant and Single

Dear Delighted: The baby doesn't feel real to the father at this point. Bring him to the first possible ultrasound and let him hear the heartbeat and see the little fetus waving tiny fists around. That always helps a guy to get it. Take a positive "isn't it wonderful?" attitude and talk about what a great baby this is going to be with his genetic input and yours. And, underline what a miracle that you are going to get to have a child after all. Go lightly on the 20-year-responsibility aspect and go big on the celebration. Plan a name that includes his in it, if it's a boy. "You have made me very happy!' would be a good expression of joy, rather than "You're going to make a great father." (Less pressure.) Don't say anything about getting married as the relationship is young and this is a bit of a hurdle for your new man. He can jump in on his own time -- or not. Don't ever play the blame game over it, as in "You got me a pregnant and this baby needs a name." If he ends up wanting to marry you and do the whole family scene, bonus! Just give this shock time to sink in and assimilate first. You have money saved, so you're in great shape to welcome a child into your life. Congratulations!

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 27, 2009 D2

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