Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Who are you trying to kid, Miss Chastity Belt? You're having sex

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancé and I are saving sex for marriage. We have been doing everything else but that, for the last year, and I mean everything. Real intercourse is the final frontier that I insist on saving for our wedding night. He says I am a hypocrite and we might as well have intercourse since we are, in his brilliant opinion, "already having sex" orally and so on. I think the baby-making risk aspect is what separates intercourse from other forms of what I call "fooling around." It's the one thing I'm not willing to do. Also, I'm from a conservative religious background and I can still look my parents in the face and say I'm chaste. My boyfriends says that's nuts, and our sexual activities are counted as sex. What do you think? -- A Virgin for her Wedding


Dear Wedding: You're sounding like the Queen of Half-Truths. Let's be clear. Kissing and petting and rubbing against each other with your underpants on, is heavy-duty "fooling around." But, alternative activities where one introduces a genital into the other person's body anywhere, is most certainly sex. Many young people, and certain sports players, musicians and politicians are famous for not counting anything but vaginal intercourse. But, you'll note wives who find out their husband fooled around "on the road" or under the desk, doing everything except vaginal intercourse, don't say, "Oh well, that's fine then, dear. Enjoy yourself!" And everyone would scream the house down, if judges let sex offenders off who did everything but vaginal intercourse with their victims. So let's be frank about your real circumstances here. You can look your parents in the eye and say you haven't had vaginal intercourse, or maybe you needn't discuss your sexual situation with them at all. But, it's very foolish to keep dissembling over this issue with your fiancé, as he may one day (should the marriage cool and he feel tempted) take to using half-truths he learned from you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was at Polo Park mall last week when I saw a woman across the way coming in my direction who looked exactly like my sister and I called out, "Hey, Sis! How are my favourite nephews?" to her and she said, "I'm not your sister." I was shocked and got up closer. I said "I'm sorry. You look exactly like her, to the tee." We started to talk and she said she was adopted. My mother had given up a baby girl when she was a teenager, but got married just a few years later and had a large family with the same young man. This woman had never signed the registry because she didn't want to hurt her adoptive parents who were wonderful to her. She is going to sign now, but I already can tell she's my lost sister. How do we approach my mother? I am dying to tell everyone. -- I Found Her! Winnipeg


Dear Found: Go easy on the celebrating until you know for sure. First, approach your mom and dad and tell them what happened at the mall and that this lady is going to sign. You may find out it was a private adoption and they may have known of her whereabouts since the beginning, but promised not to interfere. Because the baby belonged to both your parents, they will likely be open to signing and meeting her. (Perhaps they already signed). Give them a few days to take in the idea, as it may be a shock at first -- and it just might NOT be their daughter, but someone who looks similar to your family and is adopted. If it is your blood sister, your family should be sensitive about including her adoptive parents in the meeting plans. Some adoptive parents are terrified they'll lose the love of their child once that child meets the bio-family, so tread lightly.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 26, 2010 d10

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