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Ask yourself why he keeps his own apartment

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been in a monogamous same-sex relationship for two-and-a-half years. We get along great except my partner insists on having an active profile on gay dating sites "to keep in touch with old friends." This is a constant thorn in my side. He NEVER says anywhere in his profiles he's "in a relationship" -- a detail he always chalks up to an oversight or computer glitch. He claims he "tells people when they ask." We fight constantly over this disrespectful situation, and he accuses me of not trusting him. He also refuses to talk about any kind of future after two-and-a-half years. He keeps his own place, yet he hasn't slept there in a year, Everything he owns, including his dog and cat, are at my place, which he calls "home." Still, he doesn't contribute a single dollar to the bills. I love him, and am ready to settle down and share my life with him. How much more time and energy should I invest?

-- Confused and Tired of Waiting, Winnipeg

 

Dear Confused: Pull out your investment! Of course you don't trust this man. You'd be crazy if you did. And, you're seriously overestimating his love for you, not to mention the goodness of his heart. This guy is keeping his options wide open computer cruising and a private second place. Don't you wonder if he takes online dates there? Put on your Sherlock hat and find out. So why haven't you given him the boot before this? If you're willing to be with a person who doesn't care if he's constantly ramming a thorn in your side, you need counselling help to get yourself free. It sounds like you're the 79 per cent solution for each other -- a boring B-plus. You can comfort yourselves by saying "nobody's perfect" but there really isn't enough admiration, love and trust for total commitment on either side. It's time for both of you to move on.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm so stressed out! It started over a year ago when I lost my job. So, I went on Employment Insurance, did some programs to upgrade my resumé, took a couple of computer classes and started applying for jobs. Its been a year, EI ran out, my vehicle is non-repairable and I can't find a job. I'm a single mother of four trying to make ends meet. I have a mortgage and bills and I can't make ends meet. To top it all off, I'm getting married soon. My parents helped a lot, but can't do it financially anymore. We can't push back the wedding because we already put out down payments that we'd lose. I'm so depressed and scared! What can I do?

-- Hurting Inside, Winnipeg

Dear Hurting: Stop thinking "career" for a time, and start thinking "money to feed family." Take on two part-time jobs, and just start working. Convenience stores, fast-food outlets and call centres are always looking for people. Restaurants with tips to offset the minimum wage can be lucrative and it's not always the fancy ones that bring in the most tips. And where's your fiancé in all this? Is he helping out financially? You didn't mention his contribution to the solution, or is he part of the problem? As for the wedding, you need to call a meeting of all concerned. It may be smartest to elope and forgo the deposits, unless it's a presentation wedding and everything will even out. The stress of this wedding is turning you into a nervous wreck, and your love relationship certainly can't afford that at this time.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 24, 2009 d4

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