DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is habitually, annoyingly late. I've watched him continue to sit on the couch when he has only five minutes left to drive the 20 minutes to meet a client. He's just reading and he'll mention he should go. Last night he was 25 minutes late for a concert and we had to enter after it started which made me really mad. I had been waiting outside for him. He let it drop he was doing "nothing special" at home. That sent me straight up the wall. His sister says he always holds everybody up and we have been 30 minutes late for a big dinner his mom had ready. I'm not sure if I want to sign on for a lifetime of this, and he says he loves me and wants to marry me one day. Should I be looking at these as red flags? -- Losing Gas, Windsor Park
Dear Losing: They're red flags for your type of person. The only one who's a good match for a habitually tardy person is another slowpoke who doesn't care about time. Everyone else will be mad at them but they won't be mad at each other. "So what's the hurry?" You aren't that kind of person. You'd freak if this guy showed up for your wedding 45 minutes late. This guy may be late for many reasons, such as he 1) can't get himself organized 2) doesn't ever want to be left waiting for someone himself so he'd rather waste your time 3) is a passive aggressive person with control issues he can address this way. Let him know this isn't something you can tolerate and let 'er rip whenever he does it, until he smartens up or you walk away feeling it's the right decision for you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a gorgeous man sitting in the grass at Assiniboine Park. He saw me swatting a mosquito and offered me some insect repellant. I took it gratefully and he playfully offered to spray my ankles for me! I stood there and let him spray away from below. He motioned for me to sit down and we chatted for almost two hours. Then I asked him if he'd like to go for dinner the next night, and he said pleasantly "Sorry, I'd love to, but I'm married." I was shocked because he'd been so flirtatious and had no wedding ring on. My face flushed and I got up and took off abruptly, saying a quick good-bye over my shoulder. Why oh why did he do that? And why do I feel so ripped off? It was only two hours of chatting, but I still gulp when I think of it. What was I -- a practice piece? -- Feeling Used, Tuxedo
Dear Feeling; Married flirts are everywhere, so smart single lades check it out in the first half hour of a conversation. Some married guys just love women in general -- but they don't actually cheat. Workplaces are full of men and women who play with each other within the building. (And some who get a room at lunch hour.).Some even have super close "office wives" or "office husbands." While they may not to do the whole thang, they're devoted. Service men who call on houses can tell lots of stories about married ladies who love to flirt, spouting double entendres and displaying their 38 DD's. Ask builders and pool boys and cable guys and mechanics. They have stories. So don't let the ring thing be your guide. Ask a new flirty person pleasantly and bluntly: "Are you married?" before there's any big investment. Most people will tell you the truth.
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