Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Never leave this guy with the baby; kick him out and get a babysitter

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a new mom to an adorable little one. My boyfriend is great in every way except one -- his drinking. He doesn't drink all day but puts our little one to bed, and then will either go out and come home drunk, or start drinking until he passes out on the couch. I'm stressed and upset by this. I've let him know this, but his only response is "I only drink cause you bitch at me all the time." So he's blaming me for it. He should take responsibility. This has really put a strain on our relationship. He wants to go out as soon as we're alone together! I'm going back to work soon and worry about leaving my little one with him. Please help. This is pretty embarrassing and sad. It took me a lot just to write this letter; I've been dealing with this for a long time. He lived with roommates prior to living with me, and they drank a lot. He drank through my pregnancy and we didn't move in together until I was eight months along. I honestly thought it would slow down and well, it did, but now it's back at full pace. -- Tired, West End

Dear Tired: You NEVER leave the baby with any person who's a drinker. What if this guy passed out and the baby woke up sick? What if he was so drunk when he passed out, he couldn't attend to that child or even hear its cries? This guy isn't going to quit drinking because he doesn't have to with you. You have a second baby in the house and you're trying to minimize that problem because you need free babysitting when you go back to work. It's time this guy moved back out and you got babysitters for the time when you're not at home. Your baby needs an adult who can take care of it. This guy may not drink at work, but he doesn't exercise that control when he's with his live-in and child. Also he blames his drinking on you -- and doesn't want to socialize with you. What is so great about this guy? Why are you putting up with this? You're too young to chain yourself down to an alcoholic. Get help to free yourself up to find a good husband and father for this child.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was dating a girl a few years ago and everything was going great until an unfortunate event mutually broke us up. We dated different people but I always had her in the back of my mind. Earlier this year I started talking to her again and we eventually confessed to liking each other, but she had a boyfriend. She said she would break up with him but instead she led me on for four months until I finally got fed up and stopped talking to her completely. It's been two months since we stopped talking. Do I tell her how much she hurt me and wasted my time or is it too late for that now? -- Wasted My Time, Winnipeg

Dear Wasted: You could tell her, if it'll make you feel better to get it off your chest. In response, she may say something that turns you off so badly you don't want her anymore. That would be good if you don't need to get some closure on this. Know this much: She's no longer interested in a side flirtation with you. Think about the bullet you dodged! You tried to sign on with a woman who is quite all right with having a secondary guy she can lead on and possibly cheat with. Consider yourself lucky she didn't start dating you. Slam that door in your mind. She was not worth four months of waiting, and you won't have been the only one.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 12, 2011 D5

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