DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My neighbour is watching me with his squinty little eyes. Every time someone comes to my door I hear footsteps in the apartment across from me, and can "feel" the old man across the hall looking out his peephole. Yesterday I lost it and walked right over to his peephole and put my eye up to his eye and roared: "Stop checking out my visitors!" I heard his footsteps scuttle away on the hardwood floor of his apartment. This morning I had a package delivered and sure enough I hear his footsteps again, as I'm there talking to the delivery man. Right after, I called the landlady to complain and she said, "Have you got any proof of these accusations? He's a nice man and he would never spy on anybody. You must be imagining things." Obviously I have no support there. What do you suggest I do? I hate this. -- Snooped On, Wolseley
Dear Snooped: Perhaps the old fellow is a bit deaf and thinks someone is knocking on his door. Slip him a note apologizing for yelling and saying you have noticed he's been coming to the door whenever you have someone knocking on your door. Ask if you might talk about it, and find out if he's a bit hard of hearing. Suggest you might work out a system where you ask your guests to knock a certain way so the old fellow knows it's not for him. On the other hand, he may just be bored and lonely and a snoop who needs to learn to wear slippers. Just wave at his "peephole" and say "Hello Mr. So-and-So" until he gets the feeling you know what he's up to each and every time.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts I know this is inappropriate but I have fallen in love with my teacher, who is at least 10 years old than I am. She is an angel among women, a beauty, a sweet person and very sympathetic too. I invent reasons to hang around and be with her. She doesn't seem to notice I have a crush. I know she doesn't have a ring or a man coming to pick her up. It is nearing grad and I will never see her again. Do you think a poem for the last time I see her would be OK? I just want to express my feelings for her. I am not planning to stalk her. I may be young but I'm not an idiot. Will I regret it more not saying anything, or telling her how I feel? -- Enamoured of Her, Winnipeg
Dear Enamoured: It might be a little scary for her to get an amorous note on the last day of school from a student. She has no way of knowing you're not going to be hiding in the bushes outside her house trying to get a glimpse of her, or sending more notes, or trying to call her and Facebook her once you're out of school. Instead, tell her face to face how much you enjoyed her classes and that you hope you run into her again one day. Who knows? You may run into her again in a number of years and you wouldn't want the embarrassment of the Grade 12 love poem to come between you so you could walk about and casually say, "Hello, how are you?"
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