OK, hunter woman, let your easy catch go

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a dangerous man I sneak to see, and a great boyfriend I will marry and have children with, one year. I know this sounds dishonest, but it's my life and I can't help it. I'm in love with two men. The guy I live with treats me like gold and has known my family all my life. He's the perfect fit -- makes a lot of money, makes me laugh, will be a great dad and take them to sports, and give us all a good life. But, my bad boyfriend, who excites me deeply, just came along and I fell into his arms, and under his spell. I waste lots of time daydreaming at work about him. Now there's trouble. He's pushing for confirmation of his dominance, wanting to have sex with me without protection -- to get me pregnant. I love him passionately and he says this would be proof of my love, taking this chance. Let's be clear; he doesn't want to get married and have any woman tying him down. He sees others, but who am I to be prissy, considering what I've got at home? By the way, I'm 23. -- Two Timer? St. Vital

Dear Two-Timer: First, you should be on the pill. You can't afford to get pregnant by a bad guy wearing a condom, but MAYBE NOT, at the last minute. You should also protect against getting pregnant with the good guy, because he deserves a woman who loves him 100 per cent. You clearly don't. And, he should be wearing a condom at all times too, because this other guy could be bringing infections from other people he's seeing. Look, you're a Hunter Woman. The guy you have at home is too easy a catch. You need a guy who's enough of a challenge you have to put out your best for him most of the time. The answer for you lies in a combination guy who's trustable, but with an edge. You're pretty sure he won't cheat, but if you take him for granted, there's a lineup of women who'd grab him. You also need a guy who has a mind of his own, knows what's going on, and doesn't put up with nonsense from you. Plus, he's got to be a fiery sexual partner. Let the good guy go!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm laughing at my life right now, because it's just absurd. I'm bisexual but haven't had a boyfriend or girlfriend for two years. That means I'm unsuccessful at both sexes, even though I have a chance at 100 per cent of the population. What's wrong that I can't find anyone at all, with odds like this? I dress up and am considered exceptionally good-looking and have lots of friends, but nobody wants to be in a relationship with me beyond a brief sexual encounter and I go to the bars every weekend. -- Bisexual Male, Winnipeg

Dear Bisexual: Hold a mirror up to how you behave, and forget this nonsense about being exceptionally handsome. If it's true, play it down a little for a time. Looks don't get you in the door to a relationship if you're not friendly. Lots of extremely good-looking showbiz stars are lonely on Saturday nights because people are too scared to approach them. You really need to get one of your best friends over for dinner and loosened up enough to tell you the truth. Friends watch you operate, and they generally know how you're blowing it. Just like it's hard to tell a stinky friend he needs to use 24-hour Mitchum, it's doubly hard to tell a friend why he's losing with men/women. It really doesn't matter about your sexual preference if you're not coming across as a warm personality who's open to meeting people. It's also time to invite people over to see you operate outside the bar scene. Do you have pets, or cook or work with a charity? People need to know the multifaceted you, not the hot-looking guy who's parked at the bar, hoping.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 4, 2010 D8