Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
OK, secret admirer... fess up
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm known as a fun kind of guy. On Valentine's Day I got a big surprise at the door -- a dozen red roses from someone who sent them by courier and didn't identify herself. I've been going through my mind trying to figure out who this could be, as I don't have a girlfriend at the moment. This person obviously knows where I live, so it has to be someone close, or a neighbour, or even an ex-girlfriend. It was fun the first day, but now it's starting to wear on me. I can't phone anybody on my little list of possibles in case I get the wrong one. I wish the person who did this would own up to it now, so I could thank her or discreetly dissuade her, or (in one case) take her out for dinner and seduce her. After the first excitement of the surprise wore off, a disappointment started taking its place. Like, flowers for nothing, and no card, great. She may still be excited thinking about the surprise but she needs to know the time has come to say who gave the flowers, and why. I hope she reads this. -- Wilting Stem, River Heights
Dear Stem: Confess, if you're reading this, Ms. Valentine. As for you, Wilting Stem, it's too bad this gift is beginning to feel like a tease. It started out being fun for both people. So, take back your power. Phone the list and fish around a little without saying anything about the flowers. You must definitely phone the one you said you'd like to seduce. She may have thought you'd guess it was her right off the hop and be waiting for you to call, as we speak. So, is there a flirting relationship going on for you at work, the bar, a store, the gym? If so, she's made her move and it's time to respond. Anyone with previous ties to you, like a recent ex, is more likely to have your phone number and call you up on to see if you were excited about anything unusual on Valentine's Day. My guess is this is a totally new Valentine who doesn't have anything past your address... yet.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Once again my husband forgot all about Valentine's Day. It happens the same day every year and people around his large office would be getting cards and flowers and stuff all day. I phoned his secretary and she had flowers on her desk, so he couldn't miss it. Why does he not give anything to me? I realize we don't have sex very often anymore, and it's my fault, but isn't there more to love than sex? I always give him a gift and cook his favourite dinner -- because he never asks me out to dinner. We've been married nine years and he used to be so romantic. Help, please! -- Can't Take it Anymore
Dear Can't; It's not simply "forgetting" when it happens every year and there are clues everywhere and he's been told this has hurt you over this other years. So what is it? Could it be he feels phoney doing it because he doesn't feel romantic towards you? Have you refused him sex and hurt his feelings so often he's resentful and this is a way to get back? Yes, there's more to love than sex, but it doesn't feel that way when you're always starving for it. It's time you two saw a counsellor about the deeper problems between you showing up in the non-sexual feelings you have towards him and the forgotten gifts on his side. Let this Valentine's incident be your catalyst to get professional help and work things out.
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Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 23, 2011 C8
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