Play crafty hand with gambling hubby

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and the guy next door get into some big arguments when they're drinking beer in his garage. Then they wander down the street to other garage parties with the guys and have more to drink. Then they start betting on who's right about this or that sports statistic. My husband let it slip the betting's gotten up into the hundreds. I was furious. I forbade my husband to go back to those garage parties when I heard that last night. But he just came home this evening from work, and sat down and drank three or four beers, and guess where he's headed with the rest of them right now? What can I do? He says he's not betting MY money and it's none of my business. (I'm a stay-at-home mom.) It's true we're not hurting for money, but this is just such a waste and I find it disgusting. -- Weeping With Frustration, Winnipeg

Dear Weeping: You can't be the queen, forbidding your husband's actions. You can live beside someone, but you can't rule that person. You can ask him not to go gambling, argue with him, call attention to the gambling problem on the street, even talk to the other wives about it. You can also give him an ultimatum, or get a job and pack up and leave. But simply forbidding someone just brings on more of the same trouble. Call the Gambling Help Line (944-6382) and then start talking to some of the other wives attached to this garage gambling group who may be in the dark about it. A group action would be more effective than just your being upset and trying to lay down the law. You may find a lot of garage doors slammed shut in your immediate vicinity once every wife or girlfriend knows what's up, and you won't be very popular with those guys. But that's not such a loss.

Dear Miss Loneyhearts: My girlfriend and I are young -- we are bodybuilders and have great bodies. I'm not boasting; it's just a fact. We earned them. We like to take photos of each other, but she won't let me take anything of her totally nude. My attitude, on the other hand, is, "Go ahead. I'm proud of the body I have built and I'll never look this good again." Today we had a fight because I said it wasn't fair she wouldn't totally strip off and do naked pictures for me when I do them for her, at her request. What do you think? -- Fair Is Fair, Winnipeg

Dear Fair: She's smart to keep her clothes on, and you'd also be well-advised to keep your pants on for intimate shots that you trade with her. Someday you two might have a nasty falling out -- and then what's a mean way to get even with a lover who has hurt you? You guessed it. So make a deal to stop playing this game or deal with each other on this issue. There are lots of sex games you can play that stay in the bedroom, where things are, hopefully, more private.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 10, 2010 D3