Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Safe sex advice not about morality

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm writing because of today's letter from Hot Tip. It's stupid to have unprotected sex. Hopefully Hot Tip has learned this. But, you choose to attack her for her lifestyle of "maintenance sex." There is nothing wrong with casual (safe) sexual encounters, and some people can be completely happy with them. I'm sure you would agree, each to their own. I have issue with what you said only because women are constantly discouraged to embrace their sexuality, and told by every single outlet that the only way to be happy is to be in a long-term, monogamous relationship. That one-night stands aren't a thing "good girls" do. It's an old-fashioned and hurtful stereotype designed to repress and keep women in the baby-making business. -- Name Protected, Wpg.

Dear Protected: It's not about morality, it's about safety, especially when casual sex becomes a lifestyle. When herpes was not prevalent and AIDS did not exist in the '60s, you could have casual sex without fear of any problem that lasted for life, or shortened life. A run of the right antibiotic and you were free to go play again. Gonorrhea was nothing to clap about, but it was a two-week problem. If today's condoms were foolproof and didn't break or come off, casual sex would still be pretty safe -- but on occasion they still do -- and all it sometimes takes is getting one unlucky break, and the wrong partner. Also, condoms don't protect against all herpes lesions and they can be active before they show. One-night stands who don't care about you may tell themselves you know the dangers, so big deal if you both take a little risk. They're less likely to spoil the mood by telling you they've had a little tingle at a possible herpes site. But people who care about you, or at least know you well, are more likely to watch out for your safety. Sex buddies who don't see other sex buddies are not a big risk, but when we are talking about sex pals with other playmates in the mix, it's too big a hazard.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I live across the street from a school. Parents that come to pick up the kids in a school zone, double park, block traffic and sometimes use or park in front of my driveway, even when my car is right there -- and block me in! Last year I took pictures and video of cars and licence plates doing this up and down the street. It's also dangerous for all the kids running around jumping into their parents cars. I emailed the school, the city and spoke with non- emergency police about ticketing people -- nothing. I feel like it's one of those situations where nothing will be done about it until some kid gets hurt. I'm running out of ideas that don't involve popping tires (of course I wouldn't). What can I do from here? -- Out of Ideas, Winnipeg

Dear Out Of Ideas: The complaints that get best attention also address the problem with the change you desire. Where do you want people to pick up their kids instead? Is there a place? Post a sign on your property that says: "PLEASE DO NOT BLOCK DRIVEWAY." Be assertive. Go out and talk firmly to people who block you, but not in a nasty way. Also go see the principal's office staff, in person. Then they're more likely to help with an intercom message when you phone with a licence plate.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in heaven, now I've moved with my girlfriend to a country place outside a bedroom community near the city where we can have animals! She's not. We've been here two months and she still hasn't unpacked more than her suitcases. I'm afraid she is going to move back to the city and leave me with the dogs, cats and horses. I love her so much. What can I do? -- Scared, Outside the City

Dear Scared: No point in worrying to yourself anymore. Ask her if you can help her unpack her boxes and get the answer you need. If she's moving back, ask her what would make it enough fun for her to stay. Chances are she doesn't know anybody or have any activities going yet. Proactively look for classes she can take in town to meet other people, attend seasonal concerts with her, get tickets to things she likes in the city, join some clubs in town with her. Get on this quickly. If she has no feeling of belonging or investment, and is not a country girl at heart, chances are she will move back if that doesn't change. Right now she could be lost and lonely, feeling she has the worst of two worlds and you have 100 per cent of what you want.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 19, 2011 G9

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