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Send your perfect friend to a real matchmaker

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DEAR LONELYHEARTS: I have a friend who's middle-aged, well-to-do and single. I respect this person for who he is, and he has the biggest heart I've ever seen in a man. I'm married and agree with my girlfriends that if any one of us were single, he'd be the one (too bad we all got married!). He's not a big drinker, no drugs, and he has a great personality. I observe him almost every day as he goes about his daily business. I've talked to him many times, and wish I could find him an educated well-to-do person like himself. I like his positive attitude. He has no children or ex-wives and is always looking for Miss Right, with no success. How do I get him hitched to the right person? Help! I await your reply. -- Inexperienced Matchmaker

Dear Matchmaker: The man sounds (on paper) like he'd be relationship gold, so send him to a real matchmaker. Two of the longest-standing agencies are Singles Today (452-8092) and Camelot Introductions (888-1529). They are always looking for great men to match up with the women in their files. (Good guys are harder to find.) Adventures for Successful Singles (775-3484) doesn't make matches, but the club offers 50 sports, arts and social activities a month for people who are single, and they can find each other romantically, or not. It sounds like you work with the man, so you need to steer him in the right direction -- and then, gently back off the matchmaking, and your obvious crush.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 30, and have been dealing with bouts of depression. Debt is keeping me and my wife from doing what we want to do with our working lives. I don't have the drive to even try, nor can I afford the education. I'm married and have a child, and that's all great, but I just feel its the same thing day in and day out. I've tried medication to try and help with my depression, only to go off of it for other reasons (affecting my sex drive). I get these ups and downs of being happy and sad. I feel like I don't have a lot of friends and I'm bored, lonely and upset. My wife is also miserable with her job but she makes good money. Help! -- Depressed, Winnipeg

Dear Depressed: Age 30 is a milestone where you want to get on the right path. So here's the plan: 1) See your physician again and get a referral for an appointment with a psychiatrist for a complete assessment. If you have are having bouts of highs and lows you may be bipolar or you may just be having periodic bouts of depression, with respite that feels like a high by comparison. Or, it might be something else altogether. You need to be on the right medicine -- one that doesn't cancel your sex drive. Unlike psychologists, a psychiatrist can prescribe. You may have to get yourself on a waiting list but it's worth doing and psychiatrists are "free" on Medicare. 2) You and your wife need to see a real debt counsellor together to figure out how to dig yourselves out of the financial mess. Then you can finally work towards the education you need for a new career. Part of your problem may be a mood disorder, but another part might be vastly improved by fixing you financial situation so you an get an education and get moving again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a 36-year-old professional finding it difficult to meet single women. But, last week I met the most beautiful woman at the mall and actually worked up the courage to talk to her. We briefly chatted and I casually asked if she's dating anyone, to which she replied "Yes." I turned shy and quickly said goodbye, and that it was nice meeting her. The thing is, I can't stop thinking of this woman. By chance, she's related to a lady I casually work with, and I was wondering if it would be creepy to ask this lady about her situation? For some reason I want to meet and talk with her again. It seems like any woman I feel attracted to is either in a relationship or married. Am I just unlucky or is there something wrong with me? -- Unlucky Love, Winnipeg

Dear Unlucky: Life is a maze; learn the best way to run it to get the cheese. Unavailable woman are brick walls in the maze. You will continue to knock your head if you don't allow yourself to process the "no" answers given to you up front. It'd be creepy and a waste of time to keep going after this woman who rejected your first advance by digging for information about her with her relative. The woman told you she has a relationship going. Or, it could also be she lied to you because you aren't her type and she really isn't interested -- no chemistry. Either way, the lady said no deal, so back yourself up, and look in another direction for a yes answer.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 4, 2010 C6

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