Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
She likely meant what she said when she said it
DEAR Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife, age 31, suddenly wants to have a baby with me, after swearing up and down she didn't want kids. She changed her furry little mind, but I feel exactly the same way as I did when we went into this deal. I don't want kids, never, end of story. I don't like kids as a rule and would prefer not to have pets, either. She is my only "pet" and I want to keep it that way. Now what do I do -- sneak off for a vasectomy? I feel like she betrayed our agreement. -- Greatly Disturbed By This
Dear Disturbed: It's doubtful you were tricked or betrayed, though you may be in shock over your wife's change of feelings. No doubt she has girlfriends who have babies now and she has fallen for one or more of them. It just happens sometimes -- like falling in love. It's not a decision to renege on your business deal. This situation most often happens to a career woman in her 30s: 1) she is crazy about her husband and the marriage is solid and 2) she now has her career under control, and wants to have a baby with him. Women who don't think they want children with a guy they're thinking of marrying in their 20s should always say "At this point I don't think I'd ever want kids, but who knows? That may change." A lesser number of men change their minds, but I can think of three men who swore they'd never have kids. Their wives mysteriously got pregnant (don't ask me how) and the dads ended up doting parents to their one child. But that was it! Some people should NEVER have a child because they would be a cold, unloving parent. Is that you?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first love was a beautiful transsexual woman and she just loved being a woman so much. She delighted in frills and satin and lace and stockings and pretty clothes. No one since has ever appreciated her femininity in the way this special woman did. She had all the operations years ago and had worked so hard to get a body that matched her intensely feminine soul. Our relationship sadly came to an end because of my big promotion and move to Winnipeg, and her desire to stay in Montreal. Two years have passed and understandably, she has another man. I have dated some very nice straight women here but they only dress up on special occasions. Winnipeg women love their old jeans and comfy clothes. So, I find I'm not satisfied with the women I meet because they're not the ultra-feminine woman she was. I miss taking my woman out for Saturday shopping trips to buy her beautiful things. I guess I got spoiled. If I advertise I'm transsexual-friendly online I'm going to look weird and suspect, like I have a strange obsession and might be scary. I am a straight guy who lucked into meeting my first love, and hope to meet a similar lady who enjoys living in Winnipeg, which will be my home now. I just want that kind of woman who's kind of an old-fashioned southern belle. Help! -- Vive La Difference, Wpg.
Dear Vive: Check out Masquerade, the local organization for www.masquerade.ca. They say "Masquerade is a social club in Winnipeg for Crossdressers, Transvestites and Transsexuals, and their wives/girlfriends to meet, socialize and learn from one another about what it means to be transgendered in a safe and understanding environment." First, get in touch with the "den mother" on the site, who is the gatekeeper and protector for the club. Though this site is for everybody in Winnipeg and focuses on people who likes to dress in feminine clothing and go out for social evenings, there may be a spot for a person like you, as loving spouses are part of the group as well, and they are often straight. Contact the den mother and ask her if it's OK for a straight man who's had a happy relationship with a transsexual to attend. If she seems suspect, you might be able to get a letter of reference and a photo from your ex-girlfriend to prove your are not a weirdo trying to infiltrate the group. There's a lot of scary stuff going on in the world and people who are vulnerable have to be very careful. If anyone else knows of a way to help this man find love with an ultra-feminine lady -- transsexual or not, please write and we will publish your letters in an upcoming column.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email email@example.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 27, 2011 A52
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