Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

She's playing with you, again

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I had been going out together for three years, when I met this woman at college and...bammm!...I felt like I was struck by a thunderbolt! I felt an instant, intense connection between us. I stayed that night, and many more over the next several weeks. We carried on an extremely intense, passionate relationship during that time and went back home to our hometown sweethearts. Upon my return, my girl could sense something had changed, and we spent the summer apart, miserable, getting back together in the fall. We've been married many years. Recently I made online contact with my old flame, and have travelled to her city a few times on business over the past few months. We've had dinners, drinks, a friendship and limited our physical contact to embraces and brief, light kisses. We fully understand the thin ice we're on, and each of us is assessing where this could all go. I haven't had sex with another woman, so am I cheating? I'd say yes. What should I do? -- No Easy Answers Here, Winnipeg


Dear No Answers: Of course, you're cheating and in the way women hate worst -- emotionally. The bigger question is why you and your college flame didn't get it together that summer after your affair? If both of you were as crazy in love, you'd have dumped the hometown sweethearts and gotten married to each other. You freed yourself that summer, but I'm guessing she didn't. Now, who's holding off on full-blown sex? It's not as if you two haven't cheated together before. Write back and tell me if she's still married to the guy who bested you so many years ago. Methinks she's playing with you again, because the passion has simmered down at home, but she's still not about to give up the deal she has there.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Recently, my close friend's older brother (18) kissed me after we'd been discussing how he's had feelings for me for awhile. After the kiss, I felt horrible because I had a boyfriend who I really cared about. Feeling like I couldn't lie to my boyfriend, I broke up with him, without telling him the truth. Even though I regretted it, I ended up fooling around with my friend's brother when I slept over and she'd fallen asleep. He texted me later on, telling me he wanted it to be a one-time thing. Now I miss my ex and feel rejected. I know that when I tell my ex the truth, which I plan to do, he won't want me back, and now I feel wrong for messing around with the older guy. -- Frustrated, Brandon


Dear Frustrated: Attraction and caring for someone are two different things. This older "bad boy" was attracted to you and wanted to find out what it was like to make out with you. He didn't have emotions for you. Your small mistake was not pushing him away, and your middle-size mistake was dumping your boyfriend over that. Your biggest mistake was making out with this guy thinking, "I might as well, since I broke up with my boyfriend anyway." But this mess isn't all bad. You now know is you're not in love with your boyfriend, or you wouldn't have done this, and you need to be free. Don't go begging back because you're alone for a few weeks or months. Enjoy being single and pick a new boyfriend well.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 21, 2010 D4

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