Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: First you have to know this: I'm a guy. My girlfriend has a foot fetish, but not for male feet. Although she claims she's straight, she's into other women's feet in stockings and high heels. She's very vain about her own feet -- pedicures every week, fancy stockings, garters, shoes and knee-high laced boots that verge on hooker-style. I could deal with that, but I feel weird when she's going on about some woman's feet. How am I supposed to deal with that? I don't think she's ever done anything about it sexually, but she talks to me about other women's feet like she was talking to another guy, like we're on the same seduction team. Do you think she wants us to double-team and seduce another woman with beautiful shoes and feet? -- Mixed Up Guy, Transcona
Dear Mixed Up: Don't assume anything. Ask her two questions:1) Are you talking about this because you want to share it with me, or are you hinting you want permission for a threesome? 2) Do you want to be involved with a woman for sex on your own? If she says yes to either of these questions and it freaks you out, then this woman simply isn't the one for you. Frankly, she sounds insensitive talking this way to you. A more caring, sensitive person would have checked with you before assuming it was OK to try to pull you into something you might find off-the-wall. And, the vanity thing can wear very thin in a long-term relationship. It's much nicer if she focuses her love and admiration on your body, not so much on her own.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm deeply in lust with my cleaning lady. I know it would be sexual harassment to go after her, but I'm so attracted to her I find excuses to stay home when she comes for the weekly cleaning. She's smart and fun and cleans because she loves to do it. She has a college education but quit her job to run her own business and determine her own hours. She's in great shape, because she does physical work and she sings like a bird when she cleans. I am intrigued by this sexy woman, and when I saw her leaning over my bed tucking in the clean sheets this morning, I wanted to jump into the bed with her. I know she's single (no rings) but she doesn't flirt with me. Help! -- Crushing Crush
Dear Crush: Next time she comes to clean, pay her at the end, and tell her you have a problem. Confess you're attracted to her and you know it's inappropriate. Tell her you don't want to deprive her of a weekly job because of your silliness, so you're wondering if you could find her a replacement house to clean. You will get one of two responses 1) "That's very nice of you, but I have a boyfriend and I'm not attracted to you or any other man but him, so there's no problem." In that case, you get out of the house whenever she cleans until you get over you crush. Or, she might say 2) "I'm attracted to you too, and I think it's nice you're going to find me another cleaning gig." Then you fulfil your part of the deal first or she calls someone on her waiting list. Once she has a new house to clean, you could ask her out, but not before. You don't want dinner with you to cost her a pile of money in lost work.
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