Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Soon-to-be-ex-hubby wants one last romp

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We would like to introduce our new advice columnist, Miss Lonelyhearts; however, for many of you she needs no introduction.

Miss L, aka Maureen Scurfield, has been dishing out advice in Winnipeg for more than 25 years. She takes over the love beat from Rhona Raskin starting today. Her column will appear Monday to Friday in the Arts & Life section.

Miss Lonelyhearts can be reached through the Free Press website at winnipegfreepress.com, at lovecoach@hotmail.com, or c/o The Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband wants to make love to me one more time before we go for the actual divorce! I'm embarrassed to confess I want it too. Eight months ago, I stopped sleeping with him because I found out he'd cheated with a woman we both know. After five months of sleeping on the couch, he left me and is now living at her house. I guess, in the blackest part of my heart I really want to get back at her by saying, "I can get him back anytime I want." We were always good in bed, though totally unsuited everywhere else. You name it, we fought about it. But, there was a sexual electricity and a deep friendship for 18 years. Today he suggested we run away for a "lost weekend" at the end of June. He says he'll tell her he's gone fishing with the guys. We'll have that one last weekend of passion, say our goodbyes for good, and then never talk about it again. Should I accept his strangely compelling proposition?

-- Sorely Tempted, River Heights

Dear Tempted: If you don't want a reconciliation -- and you think it's just a last romp -- you're still in big danger. He has an agenda. You kicked him out of your bed; now he wants to prove that humiliating move was a huge mistake. Consider the possible damage to your heart as you reopen yourself to him on a "last" romantic weekend. Some men can compartmentalize their feelings; women have a much tougher time. And consider the "ick factor" ahead of time. He has cheated on you, and now he's proposing to cheat on his new woman, and go back to her after his weekend in bed with you. On the other hand, there's a good chance he may never want to go back to her, and may want your forgiveness. If you find you really want each other back, it's a long shot, but not impossible. Sometimes people who are wildly unsuited can find a way past the cheating and fighting, and learn techniques for getting along. Don't try to go it alone. Opposite personalities need an excellent relationship counsellor to teach negotiation techniques and emotional healing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a divorced 40-year-old temp worker. I met a 30-year-old man and we've been together two years now. He's totally wet behind the ears. He has no children (I have two), this is his first long-term relationship, and he's never lived with anyone before. I love him, but now he's finished school and he took a job back home three months ago, without telling me! He was "helping me out" financially for the first while, but since moving he insinuates he has many other bills to pay. Everything with us is dwindling down. And yes he still comes in to "see" me, but I feel like I'm being used! Plus, he has stopped talking about the future. Should I give up on him now?

-- Such a Mess, Winnipeg

Dear Mess: Look, he's obviously still fond of you, and he still likes occasional sex with you, but he's started a whole new exciting single life. He ran out without talking to you, because he's chicken-hearted and immature. There's an old 30 and a young 30. His lack of experience makes him about 22-25 in real years. Now he's back in his old stomping grounds -- with friends his age. He wants to keep all his paycheque and have a blast. He just comes to Winnipeg to visit you for a night of sex. Then he takes off. Not acceptable! When do you get mad, stop this painful situation, and find a loving grown-up guy?

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 15, 2009 D1

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