Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Sounds like you're not right woman for alcoholic

  • Print
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Well, get this. I went downtown Christmas shopping and ran into a boyfriend I stopped seeing six years ago because of his massive drinking problem. He says he's been to Alcoholics Anonymous and sober for 5.5 years now. He thanked me for being his inspiration to quit. Then he asked me out for dinner, spontaneously, and I went, and we had a wonderful time. The problem is he wants to see me again. At the dinner, the waiter asked us if I wanted wine and I felt I just couldn't, and so I didn't but it became an issue for me. I feel like such a jerk BUT I have to ask you this: Would drinking always be the issue that comes between us, even when he's sober? Does he really need a non-drinker as a girlfriend? If I got back with him, would I always feel inhibited in having a drink or two? I didn't lose the privilege, but he did! OK, he just called and he wants to see me again this week. I feel devastated by the memory of his good looks and wit and overcome with lust for him. Maybe I could get by the booze issue, at least for a while. What do you think? -- Aching but Hesitating, Norwood

Dear Aching: You're already in the starting position for a sexual experience, and the gun's ready to go off. But here's the thing to consider: you seem to care a lot about the drinking. I hear resentment in your comment about "losing the privilege." If you really like your drinks, and it sounds like you do, you're not the best possible partner for this man, though it's not impossible. People who live with recovering alcoholics can have a cocktail or a glass of wine, if the partner who's quit drinking is solid in his sobriety, and OK with that. But, you're bound to think: "What if it tempts him to start drinking again?" In my opinion the best mate for this guy is a woman who's indifferent to booze -- she can take it or leave it anytime. A partner who's busy having a nip or two frequently will stock a home bar. It might be tempting on a bad day to an ex-drinker watching a mate enjoy regular drinks and having it around in the house.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A friend mentioned that she read one of your columns last week asking for gay dads to contact you to help out a letter writer (a married dad was worried about the effects of coming out and leaving his wife). I belong to a group called the Gay Fathers of Winnipeg, which has been in existence for about 20 years. We have a website (www.gayfathersofwinnipeg.com) where your letter writer can contact us anonymously by email. We are open to emailing, talking on the telephone or inviting him to meet with a member or our entire group. Our goal is to help out other gay dads the best we can by offering support and to let him know that he is not alone. Please pass along the information. Thanks! -- Anonymous, Winnipeg

Dear Anonymous: Thanks for caring and sending in this resource. Consider the message passed on to this man, and other gay fathers who feel alone in coping with a unique set of problems.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 3, 2009 d4

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

Weekend springtime weather with Doug Speirs - Apr 19

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • Geese fight as a male defends his nesting site at the duck pond at St Vital Park Thursday morning- See Bryksa’s Goose a Day Photo- Day 08- May 10, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • Marc Gallant/Winnipeg Free Press. Local- Peregrine Falcon Recovery Project. Baby peregrine falcons. 21 days old. Three baby falcons. Born on ledge on roof of Radisson hotel on Portage Avenue. Project Coordinator Tracy Maconachie said that these are third generation falcons to call the hotel home. Maconachie banded the legs of the birds for future identification as seen on this adult bird swooping just metres above. June 16, 2004.

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

What are you most looking forward to this Easter weekend?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google