Dear Miss Lonelyhearts. After 25 years together and two children born vaginally with no complications, my husband recently asked me to do Kegel exercises to tighten up "down there." He claims I am not as pleasurable as I used to be. This is news to me, because our children are teenagers and it's not something he ever complained about when they were babies and growing up. As far as I'm concerned, our sex life is great and I'm very adventurous and open-minded. I'm hurt because I take good care of myself -- attractive, slim, look much younger than my age. To my way of thinking, he has no right to complain! Everything I've read in medical journals says the vagina is designed to snap back to normal after childbirth, and only multiple births, super-large babies or complicated deliveries can really alter the size of a woman's vaginal opening. I really find his comments quite insulting. What's your opinion? -- Insulted Lady, Winnipeg
Dear Insulted: If you suggest after 25 years you'd like him to get a penis enlargement, he might begin to understand how insulted you feel. But maybe you don't want to go that far! Doctors tell women repeatedly they're supposed to do Kegel squeezing exercises (pretending to stop the flow of urine over and over again) to keep the muscles strong so there's no leakage when they laugh or sneeze and the sexual squeeze is possible. This is the recommendation for ALL women -- non-mothers too -- because muscles need exercise over the years or they get slack. You can fix that problem in a few weeks of Kegels, though there's no need to give your husband the satisfaction of knowing you're doing it. Let him wait until you're over your funk and finally curious about trying out your new muscles.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm so angry I could rip my boyfriend apart. I found out that $& has been "sexting" with other girls on his Blackberry when he's with me. I innocently thought he was texting a male friend or his family. He made the mistake of bragging about being with me and sexting with another girl at a dance club the other night. He told the boyfriend of a friend-of-a-friend who just emailed me about it. What should I do? -- Sexting Victim, Downtown
Dear Victim: Yikes! There is no question about what you should do -- get rid of this cheating braggart. Let him have sex with his Blackberry and find yourself a guy who's classy and committed enough to turn his phone off when he's out with you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our kids are four and six. Last night our six-year-old woke up, walked down the hall, opened the bedroom door, and caught his dad and me in the middle of having sex. It was so embarrassing. I looked up at him staring across the room and then running back to his bedroom. I told him daddy and I were doing some big peoples' play-wrestling but I don't think he bought it. What do you suggest now? -- Red-Faced Mommy
Dear Mommy: Your explanation was OK -- what else could you say without being too open and making it more complicated for a child of this age? But surely you can start locking the bedroom door now. Little ones can be taught to knock on the door and holler "Mom and Dad, can I come in?" if they need something at night. Let's face facts. Kids are unlikely to come calling in the 20-some minutes most married folk with young kids can dedicate to sex. After sex, you can open the door again. Use a little music to mask the noises of sex and maybe no one will wake up next time you're having the fun that is bio-glue in a marriage.
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