DEAR Miss Lonelyhearts: For Christmas, my husband bought us a vibrator for couples to use together and I think it's stupid. It just makes me laugh to look at it in the drawer. It wasn't cheap, either. He wants us to be more experimental in 2012. I'm willing to try different things but not stuff that makes me laugh my head off. He also bought me a nurse's outfit and that made me laugh even harder, because I AM a nurse in real life and nursing is not about little white mini-dresses and caps. I know what I'd like to do in bed, and that's sleep. Seriously, a quick cuddle and missionary sex and a big long sleep is what I really like. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. What's the big deal at this point? -- Six Years Married, Westwood.
Dear Six Years: Two kinds of married guys go into sex shops alone: Men who are happy and have accepting and adventurous wives, and guys who are desperate to try one last time to revive the sex in their marriages before they move on. Laughing in your husband's face when you bought him these gifts sounds cold, a tad nervous and mean-spirited. What's going on with you two? It's time you had a heart to heart. The "seven-year itch," where many couples start getting bored and restless, has changed to the five-year itch in recent years, and you've arrived at Year No. 6. If you really love this guy, wake up and smell the first wisps of smoke setting off the early warning alarm.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I belong to a born-again Christian church in Manitoba. We got engaged this Christmas, Now he thinks that's commitment enough to start having sex right away. I'm not willing to go all the way and he's disappointed. What should I do? I don't want to get married for another two years when I'm finished my grad schooling and sex without marriage is against my beliefs. I love my fiancé with all my heart and soul, and want to bear his children someday. I can see it in his face, he is deeply upset. He would never cross any lines I don't want crossed. The last two nights we went out he gave me a peck on the cheek good-night kiss instead of the usual couple of hours necking and petting in the car. What should I do? We're both in our mid-20's. -- Out in the Cold, MB
Dear Out In The Cold: Two years is a long time to wait when you're in love and already at the two-hour petting stage, and also in your mid-20s -- old enough to get married. If you really love this man, and want to be with him sexually, move the wedding date up and keep on going to school. If you're putting the wedding off two years to save money for a big splash, have a simpler wedding. If it's because you're really not wanting to have intercourse, that's another issue altogether and one you should be looking at as a woman who plans to be married for a long time. Sex is not just for having a couple of babies one day, as you know. Good, happy sex and accompanying affection help compose the bio-glue that keeps a marriage strong and keeps affairs away. Does the idea of full-on sex disgust you, frighten you, or sound bad or dirty? Counselling would help with dissolving those worries before you get married.
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