Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Tell boss you're flattered, but you can't give her a baby

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Recently I got hired by a company and was positioned to run a small department. I report to a woman in her early 30s, who is basically my boss. She and I have been very friendly to each other for last six months and got to know each other well. Last week she asked me to come into her office and close the door, I thought I'd done something wrong, but she quite bluntly asked me to sleep with her so she could have my child. She does not wish to carry her husband's child, but still wishes to remain married to him. From what I understand, she married him for his money and he's not exactly the greatest looking bloke. I told her that I will think about it and left the room. Should I give her this child? Should I quit my job? Is this even legal? Is this sexual harassment? I thought about this, and I came to a conclusion -- that I would get "free" sex, and become a father to a child of whom I will probably never hear of again or get sued by her husband for emotional damage. What do you think? -- Secret Child Problem

Dear Secret: It is sexual harassment when a person in authority at your work wants sex from you and, in your case, a baby! You are put into a vulnerable position, as you don't want to lose your job. Tell this boss you are flattered she thinks you have good DNA, but you are old-fashioned enough to want to be married and live with the mother and the child when you're ready to have kids one day. Then change the subject as if it's not a big deal -- so it doesn't BECOME a big deal. She will already know that if she's nasty to you over your refusal, and you complained about her, she could get in big trouble for harassment.... Giving her a child would be hurtful for you. Knowing you have a little one you can never see or hold or love would be a long-term heartache. Some men have been talked into these situations, though not usually with a husband in the picture. It is hard on them as the child grows, especially if they are mature men who could take good care of a child and be a dad.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A friend of mine had an end-of-the-year party for our group and his mother made the deal he could have kids over and they could drink a little beer, but she would have to be home, though not with us. About 20 of us close friends came over and the mom disappeared to go to bed. We started playing drinking games and I got really drunk on shots. I went upstairs, couldn't find the light, and felt really awful. I went into this empty bedroom, laid on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, and fell sleep. About an hour later I heard all this screaming and felt a light go on, and I found myself clinging to the edge of this king size bed with my friend's mother under the covers at the extreme other edge. A few people had come running up and I stumbled off apologizing "Sorry, sorry, I didn't know she was in the bed!" Soon the story spread through the whole party and now everybody, including the mother, was laughing. Now they have nicknames for me I won't mention, relating to the incident. How do I get them stop the teasing? I'm so sick of it. -- Innocent Drunk, South End

Dear Innocent: Try to find it within yourself to see the humour and laugh along with everybody else, even though it's not as funny to you. That will lessen the teasing, although you may hear about that bedroom blunder when this crowd gets together, for the rest of your life. Big deal. Enjoy being the centre of attention and find a few remarks to make when this starts up. It should be easy to joke about older women being attracted to you. "What's not to like?" The mom laughed it off; now so should you.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 20, 2011 D3

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