DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two nights ago I ate something that made me sick and I ended up in the bathroom doubled over, throwing up, thinking I was going to die. My boyfriend came up behind me and said, "Ewww. Do you want me to get your neighbour?" (a woman friend next door). I felt faint and was being sick everywhere with big cramps, and he didn't want to know me! I said yes, although I meant, "No, you lily-livered creep!" He went next door and got my friend AND WENT HOME. Now I don't even want to take his calls and he doesn't understand why. What do I tell him? He's so thick in the head. -- Furious and Disgusted, Westwood
Dear Furious: Explain it this way and he'll get it, guaranteed: "Do you know the expression "fair-weather friend"? That's a guy like you who's your friend when things are easy and going well. Two days ago, when I got sick, you got someone else to help and ran away home. I was ill and vulnerable and needed you. But you acted repulsed by me, wouldn't help me and asked to be replaced. I want a guy with more guts, more integrity and more love for me. Goodbye, and stop calling or I'll block you."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend of one year -- a girl I love with all my heart -- has a best girlfriend who stays overnight with us in the same bed at least once a week. We are all three of us 18, and in first-year university. They have recently exchanged friendship rings and I find it a bit creepy. My girlfriend is deathly afraid of getting pregnant (or so she says) and can't stand condoms (or so she says) so she only allows me to pleasure her orally. She recently hinted at a comparison with her female friend -- a very subtle hint, but I got it. She was comparing one sex to the other in "probable" touch differences. OK, here it is. I think she and her best female friend are having sex and I don't know how to bring it up. Is it really cheating if it's just with a girlfriend? -- Suspicious, Downtown
Dear Suspicious: Young men are so much more tolerant of girl-on-girl sex, than women are of men who also fancy men. That's probably because of the favourite male fantasy -- watching a lesbian sex scene. But, no matter what the sex, it's still cheating if there's an extra person now arrived to throw off the balance of a couple. Are you OK with your girlfriend seeing ANYONE else? If not, it's time to bail. If you're hanging in there to find out what else will happen and if you'll be invited for a threesome, forget it. Women who are interested in each other are rarely interested in a threesome with a guy. Women who are hetero buddies and want to engage one man in a threesome are a different species from a lesbian scene. Bottom Line: you are serious about this young woman, and she is not serious about you. She is not even interested in intercourse with you! It's time get on your horse and ride, cowboy, even though your heart is breaking .
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