Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband bought us a couples sex swing for Christmas and had the correct suspension apparatus installed in a beam last week. He has been bugging me all week 'to play." It turns him on but it just seems like a stupid thing to me and people could get hurt. What should I do? -- Scared of The Swing Thing, North End
Dear Scared: At least humour him by reading up on how it works and what might be fun about it. If you still don't want to try it with him, that's your choice. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to try everything your partners want to do. Ask him, without a smirk on your face, to tell you in detail what turns him on about it. At least that gives you some insight into the appeal of it for him. That could change your mind.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy who told me he was asexual and I took it as a challenge and started asking him over. He was happy to hang out with me and is, oddly enough, very affectionate. For the last month I'ave tried everything to interest him in sex -- timing it so I'm just getting out of the shower when he arrives, showing him my new sex toys right out of the package, wearing revealing tops and thongs that show when I bend over. I work out and have a dynamite body right now, but it doesn't do the trick! I've played music from soft to raunchy and said all kinds of sexy, wild things to him -- but there's no reaction below the waist for him. He thinks I have an "amazing" body. It still gets no reaction except amusement after all my efforts. He likes to kiss, but not deeply. Oddly enough, he doesn't find men anymore interesting sexually than women. What is wrong with him? -- So Frustrated, Fort Garry
Dear Frustrated: What is wrong with you, girlfriend? Sex and affection are not about challenging someone's uninterested body part. Why are you knocking yourself out and buying unnecessary buzzing sex toys for this guy? He was meant to be a friend and nothing more. Unless you are practicing to be a sex therapist, this effort makes no sense. If this guy finds his asexuality a problem, he will do something about it. For now, he has no reason to seek help. He's got a gorgeous woman like you knocking herself to entertain him and arouse him for the last month. What a power trip! So what is your sex problem? What's the payback for you to miss out on sex in relationship with a guy. Have you felt that guys only want you for your dynamite body? Let the pendulum swing back to the middle now. Remove this guy from Obsessive Experiment to Casual Friend and look for a guy who's wonderful as a person, interested in sex, but willing to wait for a while so you can find out if you both really care. Then you have a chance at the whole enchilada. P.S. How do you know for sure he doesn't find men interesting, but is afraid to experiment?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a tall woman with a fetish for short men. I've never dated anyone less than four inches shorter then me. People think short men run after tall women because it's like climbing Mt. Everest, but that's not the case. Short men can't believe I'd want them, and I have to chase them. Short men are sexier to me because they compensate for their height in this tall-obsessed society. They are more powerful, more ambitious, sexier in bed (where height difference is not noticeable) more generous with gifts, work out more, and are often built better you-know-where. The trouble is I'm so tired of having to chase short guys. How do I "advertise" I want a short guy? -- Six Feet Tall, Winnipeg
Dear Six Feet: I canvassed some attractive short men, and asked how they'd like a tall woman to show she's interested: Here are their suggestions 1) If she's dating online, she should find a site that asks for height and mention in her own description she's attracted to shorter men. 2) If she meets a guy for a blind date, she should arrive early and be sitting down, so he has a chance to "dig" her before they stand up together. 3) She should be liberal with mentioning she loves short men to her girlfriends who will tell their shorter guy friends. 4) She could get an engraved pin that says "Short Men Are Sexy." 4) She should become a soccer fan and meet guys from shorter cultures. So there you go! None of these tips involves your chasing anyone. You might also consider seeing a relationship counsellor and exploring your need for a certain height of man instead of looking for a great man, of any height.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email firstname.lastname@example.org