Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Tell hot first love you'll wait until he's single
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to the zoo with my two-year-old by myself again. My husband and I broke up over his affair with an ex, and I'm one of the walking wounded. I spotted a familiar guy with a camera hitched up to his eye, excellent back view. OK, I was gawking at his hockey butt, and he must have felt it, because he turned around to look. It was my ex-boyfriend from high school -- my first love who got away. We went to two different universities thousands of miles apart. Now he's back living in Winnipeg, with his wife. He confessed it isn't working out with her as he walked with the baby and me around the zoo. At the end of the walk, he tipped my chin up and kissed me on the mouth, and I felt a thrill down to my toes. Then I reached up and kissed him back and it went on forever. It was always like that with us. Then he turned and left in a hurry saying he had some major thinking to do. I stayed up half the night in a tizzy over my reawakened feelings for him. I need him back in my life, but he's married, and I want to call him at work, Facebook him, text, anything. What should I do? -- Pining for Him, River Heights
Dear Pining: You did quite enough with that passionate kiss. He will have the message loud and clear. But, try to have some compassion for his wife, who's in the same position as you have been until this minute. If he wants to come after you he will, but don't initiate an affair first, especially since he's important to you and you have a romantic history. If he calls, and it's highly likely he will, tell him nicely to call back if and when he becomes single, but that he should try to work out his marriage first. Oddly enough, that's protection for you. The last thing you need is for him to come flying to you right now, have an affair, and then decide he still loves his wife and (boohoo) didn't give it enough of a try. That will truly rip your heart out. Plus, it's bad karma to do another woman dirt. Take a "who-knows" attitude while you get on with building your own single social life. If you let him have both of you at once, you're in for a rough emotional ride with a lousy end.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Aside from my ex being a deadbeat, last weekend my son came home saying that "Dad's allowed to smoke in the house now." I nearly hit the roof! My son said he's started smoking electronic cigarettes. I emailed all the information I had found about these e-cigs to him, with no response; not that I was expecting one, so he probably assumes that I'm not crazy about these things. Oh, and I've recently quit smoking myself, although never indoors for the last nine years; so how dare I "preach" to him? Obviously, I don't want my son around that, but can't see a way around this situation. My ex is very unco-operative Any suggestions? -- In a Smokey Situation.
Dear Smokey: Real or electronic hardly matters -- that's the behaviour your son may someday emulate because he sees it as a part of life, at least the life he has known. The picture of dad smoking -- or mom smoking outside the house -- is a visual in your kid's head at this time. So you mustn't stop trying to fight that. Your ex-husband should not be standing around with any burning tobacco or substitute hanging from his lips. As a parent you must do everything you can to make the environment safe for you son. Fight for your child's right to clean air. If you have no luck, your son may choose to come home early from a few visits until his puffin' dad gets the message.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 12, 2011 D5
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