Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Tell husband to choose a career

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband of 15 years is driving me crazy. He lost his job four years ago when his boss closed up shop. We've been good with money. We own our home via my inheritance. I got some money in a disability case and I get some other money. The thing is -- he's lost at 45. He tinkers and spends time learning things like woodworking, languages and cooking. The basement seemed like a great job to do while he was "off work" and thinking about retraining. Nada! And, the house is a mess since he fired our weekly maid because he'd be home to clean. The yard is unkempt and dishes pile up. He's good with the kids -- gets them to school and does homework and does half the dinners and laundry. I'm going crazy in this house and starting to worry about money long term, and I worry about him. I wouldn't mind supporting him for retraining or if he was at least caring for the home. We love each other, but how to tell him that he needs to get going on a job or work on the house, while I'm disabled from work? Am I wrong? Whenever I say I want outside help he says he's "getting to it." -- Tired of Nothing Happening

Dear Tired: He sounds like a combination mom and dad who's great with the kids and lousy at housework. How disabled are you? The phrase "while I'm disabled" sounds like it might be temporary. It sounds like you're doing half the cooking and that's about it. If you can cook, you can help with other things. The kids can help keep the house clean and you can at least organize that. Tell your husband outright you want him to decide on a career plan for the new year -- school or work -- but it has to be something other than home help. Forty-five is too young to sit home without working or retraining for four years. He may be the kind of person who thinks he can stay away from outside work as long as you're getting by.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a gay club in town with a gay friend and one other straight female friend. This younger man came over and shook my hand hard -- until it hurt -- and told me he was from the country and just wandered in and he didn't belong in a bar like this and he was really straight. He was drinking shots of something and sat down without being invited and proceeded to tell me in a nasty way, what he thought of gays. I asked him why he didn't leave. He said, "Because I've got you and your girlfriend to talk to." I whispered in my friends' ears and we all table-hopped to get away from him. He was giving us bad looks for an hour and then we left. Do you believe his story? What was going on with him? There's lots of other bars in the city for straight guy. --Scared By Him, Winnipeg

Dear Scared: You should have pointed him out to security. A guy with unresolved issues about his sexuality and anger about that, makes for a dangerous element in the club. Of course, he knew exactly where he was, and he wasn't leaving, but he didn't want a woman to see him there, so he had to come right over and insist he was straight. Drinking to lose his inhibitions, he'd probably find a man to be with at the end of the night, regret it right afterwards, and try to reassert his "masculinity" by turning on the gay man verbally or with his fists. You were right to get away from him, but you should have alerted the guy on the door, the bartender or club manager.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 17, 2011 D8

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

Jets defencemen ready to face adversity

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A squirrel enjoys the morning sunshine next to the duck pond in Assiniboine Park Wednesday– June 27, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • A goose flys defensively to protect their young Wednesday near Kenaston Blvd and Waverley -See Bryksa 30 Day goose challenge- Day 16 - May 23, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

With the Canadian junior team off to such a great start, will you be watching the World junior hockey championship?

View Results

Ads by Google