Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Tell impotent husband to keep eyes to himself
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is impotent and has started obviously ogling women at bingo right in front of me. I date it back to when his sexual apparatus stopped working. I feel like telling the women he's putting up a front, pardon the pun. -- So Angry! North End
Dear Angry: Your problem is with his behaviour, not with the women he ogles. Say something like: "I know why you started doing this and I'm asking you to stop as I feel hurt and humiliated when you do. Now, what can we do to regain a sex life, even if it can't include potency pills or intercourse?" There are lots of other things you can do, and you need to tell him clearly you would enjoy them.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Hi again. I'm Confused Girl who's been on and off with this guy for three years, sleeps with him weekly, but he says we're not girlfriend/boyfriend. We still love each other, but fight lots. I really appreciate the advice from your readers. The last time we saw each other he took me for a birthday dinner and we ended up in bed. Now he only answers texts with one word responses. Our friends say he's still in love with me and not seeing anyone else. He does like to go to the bar and drink on weekends. I'm only 22, but want someone who wants to settle down and call themself my boyfriend. I know that he could be this guy. I just want him to put in the effort that I am. -- Still Confused
Dear Still: I'm going to be very blunt, this second time round, so brace yourself. You're like a mouse butting your head on a maze's dead end, instead of backing up and going elsewhere. Give up on this guy! You're not the love of his life. He's just a sex buddy ex who doesn't want a big fight-filled relationship with you anymore. But, it's quick and handy having sex with you, and girls who are desperately chasing a guy try so much harder in bed. He insists on being seen as free, so he can hunt for a new girlfriend on weekends. You're being treated like an unimportant side dish, so stand up and stop begging. Start going out with friends, healing up, and dating people who want everything you want -- a serious monogamous sexual and emotional relationship and a marriage.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for the aboriginal man, adopted by a white family years ago who lies to impress them and fears their rejection: The truth will set you free, so be honest and open starting now. Get another family counsellor who you can all work with. You may all need individual counselling before family counselling can start. Remember, you were chosen, and they continue to choose you by keeping you in their life. They know more than you think -- all parents do! -- Mom Who Adopted an Older Boy.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 14, 2010 D7
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