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Tell this guy to give you call when he's sure he's free

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My friends introduced me to this guy who did everything he could, to let me know he's interested, but his ex won't go away! He's sweet, treats me very well, is a great guy and he's attractive. We've been spending a lot of time together in the last month and act like we're dating -- but we aren't officially. Right now things with us would be absolutely amazing except for her. They broke up just a few weeks before when we met. She's still in love with him and, to an extent, I know he's not over her. He insists that I'm not the rebound girl but it makes me so upset. He still talks to her and he has a lot of girls after him. I hate being the jealous girl and being scared of getting hurt. I don't know if it's worth the risk. -- Jealous and Vulnerable, Winnipeg

Dear Jealous: How maddening! It's like being invited to compete for a great job you didn't know you wanted in the first place, and now that job may not be open. Your friends did you no favours by introducing you to a guy who is probably one of the walking wounded -- just a few crazy weeks off a breakup. You sense he still cares and you're probably right, since he's entertaining his ex's calls. Fighting for this man right now is a big mistake. Whether he sees it or not, you're basically nursing his ego while he goes through a bad patch. Your best move now is to back off very gracefully, even if you don't feel that way. Let the old girlfriend do her thing as hard as she can. Tell him to give you a call when it's truly over -- if it ever is. The trick is to be nice about it, if it kills you. He knows how great you are, and he knows your number.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; I just read the heartbreaking story from Nothing Helps who was born with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). I just wanted to let her know of another great resource. The Mennonite Central Committee has an FASD program and is working with adults living with FASD. We have done some cameo videos with a few of these adults as the committee has just launched Visions and Voices, which brings people with this disability to communities to share their stories and to help inform others of the effects of drinking while pregnant. It could be a valuable resource for this person. www.mennonitecc.ca -- Wanting To Help, Wpg.

Dear Help: Thanks for caring and writing in. The amazing young woman who wrote me has finished high school and upper education all by herself but she still feels the daily emotional struggle of FASD, caused by her bio-mother's drinking when she was in the womb. Understandably, she feels angry and resentful towards the bio-mother who visited this spectrum of disability upon her. Other people successfully coping with FASD will be exactly what she needs in her circle of contacts and friends, to help her cope with this constant frustration.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 20, 2010 D5

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