DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: OK, I'm in trouble. I saw a moving truck back up in the parking lot of my apartment and the only woman I ever had an affair with was directing traffic as they unloaded her fancy furniture. My best friends said she probably didn't know she was moving into my large complex, but I think she did. We haven't seen each other since my wife caught us and I swore on my life I'd never touch her, talk to her, or see her again. My wife then made us move to the far end of the city. My wife doesn't know she has moved here yet, and I don't know what I should do. I'm worried about seeing this woman up close and personal going to my car -- because she's hot, wears fur coats, and leather boots and smells of Obsession. I love my wife, but I'm sexually crazy about this other woman, even though she's a bad one. What do I do now? -- Her Victim , Winnipeg
Dear Victim: If you're serious about not cheating, then tell your wife this woman has moved in so you can't backslide. When you do run into the other woman, steel yourself and tell her to stay far away from you and your wife. Suggest she call the moving trucks, load up and move elsewhere. She won't, of course, but she'll know she's not welcome in your territory and it's not just your wife dictating. If she bothers you, keep track of what she says. Talk to a lawyer if she actually starts stalking you. Your wife and you should not have to move again because of her. Total disinterest and frank words about her going away could dampen her desire for you -- or amp it up. One thing is for sure -- any words of encouragement will get you into big trouble all over again.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a man with a strange problem. I'm not gay, but I'm not totally heterosexual either. It seems I'm not interested in either sex particularly. I'm just not sexual and I guess the word for this would be asexual. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only man in the world who is like me. I've never met anyone else who admits to feeling this way. Does this make me destined to live out my life alone? I love to be close with people, but must I pay for that with sex? I had a counsellor suggest to me I should become a priest, since I'm Catholic and devout, but I don't want to be a priest. I love my work. In fact, that's my passion. I get excited mentally and emotionally about artistic projects yet to do. But, how do I have deep, meaningful relationships if the one thing I can't offer is physical love? I need someone to love and I have lots of emotional love to give. -- Sad and Lonely, Winnipeg.
Dear Lonely: It's OK to be different if you're not unhappy with that difference and are not feeling any interest in pursuing an awakening of sexuality (through hormones, psychological work, other avenues). Learning to accept and love yourself is the key to having warm friendships with many people. You need to fill your life with friends and family and charity work and exciting projects and activities that bring you close to people who share your interests. Socially you can be the one to organize dinner parties for friends and birthdays, and special events in the family. You don't have to talk to people about your lack of interest in sex if you don't want to; you can be a man of mystery. It's nobody's business and, if someone inquires as to your love/sex life, you just wink and say: "That's private." They may think you have a hidden lover, and that could be a helpful ruse.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email firstname.lastname@example.org