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Tell your man about other woman

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I haven't told anyone I know about this, but I'm seeing a woman on the down low and I'm a wife and mother with a perfectly good husband. I sneak off to my lover's place whenever I can get away from the family. I'm not there to drink tea. I don't kid myself it's just a momentary fantasy either. I'm really falling for this woman. She gets to me like no man ever did. I met her at my work and I am a teacher. She say she's in love with me too. Please Help -- Past Caring If I Get Caught, Winnipeg

Dear Past Caring: You'll soon be able to test out the not caring theory. When you start being careless, you soon leave hints and "out" yourself. So, let's fast forward. Let's say your husband finds out and thinks it's either a) titillating and unimportant b) worthy of a separation and a move or c) so upsetting he's kicking you out and keeping the kids because you're a "bad role model." None of these scenarios are good ones for you. Look, you know you're in love with this lady emotionally and physically, and the marriage to the "perfectly good husband" is over. How about you get real with the poor man? He deserves to know first rather than last, and now that's less likely to happen. He will be hurt, but not as devastated and angry as he'll be if he hears the news on the Winnipeg grapevine. This mess will be so complicated you'll need a counsellor to help sort things out, so get a good one lined up before you confess.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is extremely good-looking in a George Clooney sort of way with the dark eyes and the manly body. I married him because I couldn't do anything else and I got pregnant three times. Though I'm still deeply attracted to him, I'm more than the woman he wants me to be. I've put on 20 more pounds with each child that never came off and I wear loose clothing and jackets to cover up. People look at us and wonder why he's still with me. I know he's looking at other women and my heart is breaking. Do you think it would help if I lost 60 pounds? I really love my husband. -- Call Me Fatty, North Kildonan

Dear Call Me Fatty: If you want him loving and close, and you think losing weight would do it, you're only half right. You need to be more fun and sensual too. Overweight people often stop being as warm and exciting as they were when they felt more confident of their bodies. How about going on a health-and-fun kick together this summer? Latin or ballroom dancing is great exercise for couples, and sexy fun. Racquet sports and golf, if you walk the course instead of ride, are great couples sports too. While you're getting fit, stop buying tents for clothes and buy skirts and dresses with wrap-around waists that get smaller as you get smaller. Meanwhile, elevate your physical confidence with a new haircut and fun jewellery. Take your husband out to concerts and events around the city. If he asks you what's going on with you, just say, "I'm just feeling great about life, that's all." Don't say that you fear he's getting tired of you, as that's a big turn-off. Good luck!

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 15, 2011 D4

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