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Tell your 'shopping' wife what you saw her trying on

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in complete shock as I write this. My wife has been seeing a woman for "shopping" over the last two months, for our Christmas gifts. I got really suspicious when she wasn't coming home until midnight all last week and was ending up at this one woman's house for post-shopping "drinkies." She even had the nerve to make me come and pick her up a few times because she was too drunk to drive her truck. I saw the evidence when she told me to go back and wait in the car. I came back looking for my glove and caught the two women kissing passionately in the hallway on the lips, full embrace, hands moving everywhere. I hurried back to the car before they saw me. Granted, she was pretty drunk and maybe she didn't know what she was doing. Now what do I do? Christmas is coming and we have three young kids. I love her, but I can't fight lesbianism. -- Broken Man, North End

Dear Broken: Why should you try to stuff all this pain and carry it inside while she continues to see her lover for "shopping" fun? And why play the chump by babysitting for it? As soon as you can manoeuvre things to be alone without the kids in the house, tell her flatly what you saw in the hallway and wait for her response. There is no way she didn't know what she was doing, drunk or not. Tell her you don't want to mess up Christmas for the kids, and you're asking her not to see this woman until you, as a couple, have decided what you're going to do after Christmas. Then get yourselves to a relationship counsellor, so you can do your venting there and be civil at home. Don't involve the kids in this by fighting in the bedroom (kids always hear it somehow) or by telling children your side to enlist sympathy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is so embarrassing. Last weekend, I went home with a woman. She kicked me out after we did a bunch of necking and I thought this was fair, as it was a "first meeting" kind of thing. The next day I phoned her and we had dinner that night. I was falling head over heels -- still no action besides kisses in the snow. Then I told one of my buddies about this woman I was starting to see and where I met her and he told me he's also met her and she's a guy! This doesn't seem like it could be true, although she did wear a lot of makeup, but another friend backed him up today. The thing is, I really liked her and still do. Does this mean I could be bisexual? -- Messed Up, Fort Rouge

Dear Messed: No, it means you reacted to someone you thought was an attractive woman and she reacted to you as an attractive man. If she is not really a woman or is not planning to be in the future, she probably isn't a romance prospect for you, but it's not something to be worried about, at least not for long. If you went home with a person who looked like a guy, smelled of men's cologne and had parts like a guy, then you could wonder about where your sexuality was headed. You might want to talk to her about it, although you might be afraid of your own reactions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband refuses to go to the doctor for a black-looking growth I call The Thing on his underlying sexual region he has never used a mirror to see. I have seen it and I am scared for him and me. Could it be melanoma or venereal warts or worse? He's had a vasectomy and we don't use condoms. What can I do if he flat out refuses to go to our doctor for this? -- Scared by The Thing, Westwood

Dear Scared: Here are three possibilities: 1) Make him use a condom each and every time you have sex, or you won't have sex -- that would motivate most guys to get medical help; 2) Ask your husband to take you to see your mutual doctor (if you have one) right in his examining room, and ask about The Thing before you leave; 3) Ask your husband to see a walk-in doctor who doesn't know the two of you if he's embarrassed and/or ashamed (because he's been cheating.) On top of these possibilities, research The Thing on the computer and try to find out what it might be on a dermatologist question-and-answer website.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 19, 2010 A52

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