DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have one breast much smaller than the other. My boyfriends have never cared but I care. I want to even them up now, but the debate is: Do I go smaller with one or go bigger with the other? One breast is a D (standing out four inches from the chest wall) and the other is a B (only two). What do you think? I like breasts but I am not obsessed. The small one won't sag as much over the years, but the large ones suit my tall body better. What do you think? ---- Lop-Sided, Winnipeg
Dear Lop-Sided: Most people don't choose breast size for practical reasons, but there are some to consider. If the Ds fit your body height and weight, you might want a bosom that's appropriate. If you're very sporty and don't care about breasts much, opt for the smaller look so they don't inhibit swinging your arms or running. You might use the computer to see what both effects would look like with your plastic surgeon -- and surgeons can also tell you about reactions after surgery from other patients who opted for bigger or smaller. Also worth consideration -- a larger breast means an implant and a smaller one does not. Don't decide on the size to please any guy you're with; it's your body.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm so mad I could scream the house down -- and I have. My husband brought his teenage daughter to live with us and she is a little tramp. Today I caught my 17-year-old stepdaughter in bed with a guy in our basement for the second time. Her mother kicked her out for it and I'm on the verge of kicking her out of my house, too. She drinks, does drugs and has lots of sex, but no steady boyfriends to account for it. I can hear her talking on the phone about her sexual exploits. I want her gone, but my husband says he'll go with her if I kick her out. I love him and this would be terrible for me. How did I know his daughter was such a ho? She lived with her mother, who's a booze artist and has boyfriends, but she was always sweet to me until she came here. Then she was a bitch. -- Frustrated Stepmother, Downtown
Dear Frustrated: The responsibility and the deep love parents have for their children rarely goes away, especially if a child needs help. Ask your husband to get all of you into counselling together rather than break up your marriage or break up your husband's bond with his mixed-up rebellious daughter. These are the years where changes for the better can be made if a parent hangs in there. The name calling makes me think you're not a helpful mother figure. Your husband should do all he can to save his daughter.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother-in-law is eating out of my hand. My ploy has back-fired. Mom thinks I'm the best guy in the world. Unfortunately she thinks her daughter, who's admittedly a handful, doesn't deserve me but mom does. I deliberately set out to charm the old girl because my last mother-in-law didn't like me and it was awkward. I've done such a good job she winks at me and says things that can be taken two ways. Now she's criticizing her own daughter. I have no interest in this woman who looks like a fat groundhog. How do I get her off my back now? I do love her daughter very much though. Tell me how get back to a position of neutrality with her mother? -- Big Mouth, Brandon
Dear Big Mouth: Start singing her daughter's praises to her loud and clear. Make her nauseous with your tributes to her daughter and she will lose her taste for you. It will also reinforce your positive feelings towards your wife. Next time she winks at you ask her if she has dry eyes because she seems to be having a blinking problem. Say it very innocently. And, reduce the visiting time with momma for awhile.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email firstname.lastname@example.org