DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home a week early from my work Up North and found my common law wife making out with a guy with a %$&* Santa hat in a truck outside our house. I pulled him out of the truck and slugged him a few times. Then I went running down the street after my wife who was booking it to her mother's. She's a fast runner and I'm big, so she made it to Mommy's before I could grab her. Now I'm staying in my house and she's at her mother's. We live in a small town near Winnipeg and I saw her going to Bingo with her mother and followed them to the church. The mother got out of the truck and my wife locked the truck doors real fast. The mother called me names, shook her cell phone at me, and said she was calling the cops if I came anywhere near her daughter. She's called the police before, so I just left. Now what am I supposed to do? I go back to work out of town right after Christmas and I'm not leaving the $%&* house behind for her and her $%#* boyfriend. -- Heart Like a Rock
Dear Rocky: You and this woman must continue to stay apart. You don't need any more fighting and cheating, and she's not trustable when you leave town. Plus, she probably fears a beating from you and you don't need jail time over her. You proved you're handy with your fists with the guy in the Santa hat. It's time to face a new reality with your lawyer as your coach, and deal with the end of this relationship right now, while you're still here. You call the house yours? Your lawyer can tell you how much is still yours, and how to get your common-law mate and her stuff out the right way, perhaps with witnesses and/or police presence.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first love came back to me in November through Facebook after 31 years, and this is our first Christmas together. My mother doesn't know and we're going to surprise her at Christmas Day dinner. My sister is afraid she'll "have a coronary" because she never expected to see us together again. She's the one who broke us up because she thought I was going to get pregnant. She's already had one heart attack. Is it really better not to surprise her? I'd love to do it. -- Curious Daughter, Winnipeg
Dear Curious: You can't wait to see the shocked look on her face, can you? "Bet you didn't expect to see this, after you broke us up!" would be the message. But Mom's not so strong, and it's really not nice to surprise her in a mean-spirited way at this point. You no doubt had some years before as adults to look for each other and get back together. Tell her right now you've reconnected with this old love and will see her on Christmas Day as a couple. Give her a chance to digest that idea and get her game face on. Let your old mom enjoy the happy news with you now. Life is too short to spring surprises on an old lady with a bad ticker.
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