DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend moved in with his dogs and I got pregnant; we're both in our 40s. His dogs and my cats get along but the dogs are old and have daily accidents on the carpets. Since I got pregnant, I've lost all patience and am no longer willing to live like this with a baby coming. My fiancé never walks the dogs and refuses to leave them out in the yard for more than 30 minutes. They live in the living room, so I don't go in there. I don't even want to come home sometimes. These dogs are old and gentle, but could still live for another five years. I don't want to lose him, it's a first child for both of us, but he's set on keeping his stinky, dirty dogs unless I give away the cats. -- Living in the Doghouse, Winnipeg
Dear Doghouse: First, take the dogs to a vet to see why they're having the accidents. Some old dogs are on pills that stop them from urinating in the house and they can once again wait until they get outside. There are also doggy diapers. If your live-in and you got out and take the dogs for regular walks to do their business, they might not be pooping in the house anymore. You can hire neighbourhood teenagers as dog-walkers if you're not home enough. It may still be possible you could teach the dogs to use one corner of the yard and then hire a poop-removal company to clean it. Nothing works? Let's talk turkey: If the dogs are not sick bowel-wise, but your partner has always let them use the house as a toilet, it's going to continue, because he doesn't care. You can't bring a baby into that situation. Maybe you'll have to live down the street from each other. But for right now, consider pulling up the carpets that trap the smell, and covering the floor with wood and sealant, so you can come home again and be happier.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend was robbed in the testicular department and he's embarrassed about it. The rest of him is medium-sized and our love life is very satisfying. He keeps thinking it looks like he has "no cojones" which means something to him, I don't know what. Apparently he saw his father's once and they were, in his memory, very large. He wonders why he got robbed of the family build. I feel this stuff is all nonsense to worry about, but I love him and he worries. He thinks he should enquire about getting testicular enhancement to make himself look bigger and has been reading all about pumps and massage and other silly things offered online. Help! -- Don't Care About Size, Westwood
Dear Don't Care: Women, by and large, don't care if a man's testicles are small or large. They are not considered the main event. So who sees these testicles that could come away feeling impressed, or not. You're already happy with his sexual build. Aside from you it's really only the occasional urologist who sees. It sounds like your man's belief system is the trouble. He really needs to see a psychiatrist or psychologist who could help him get rid of the connection in his mind between big testicles and male virility/courage/sexiness. Yes, there are experimental procedures in the works, like the one where the scrotal sac layers are injected with fat cells between them resulting in an overall larger look. But, this isn't advised for anyone who wants to become a parent because they don't know yet how it affects sperm count. Also, scientists still don't know if testicular cancer could so easily be discovered. You can read more about this procedure and other sites online, starting with www.for-men-only-magazine.com/testicle-enlargement.html\ and then choose whether to show it to your guy, or not. Lots of quackery flying around out there, especially surrounding sexual insecurities.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email firstname.lastname@example.org