Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Turn tables on busybody asking about your love life

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 28, successful, financially responsible, and even the president of an organization. A board member of mine keeps on harassing me about not being married. I think it's none of her business and it's inappropriate to ask me if I've met a man (in front of everyone) before every meeting! I've tried talking to her, sending emails, etc. but she doesn't get it! Please send some advice. -- Totally Fed Up, Winnipeg

 

Dear Fed Up: She doesn't listen when you try to talk it out, so let her have it next time. "Why do you ask?" is the best response. Then maintain an uncomfortable silence until you get an answer. And don't back down if she says, "What's the matter, can't you take a little joke? Heh, heh." Your answer to that is: "It doesn't sound like a joke to me. Why are you so aggressive about this?" If she's persists, you say, "We've talked enough about my love life, let's hear all about yours from now on. How's it going with so-and-so?" Guaranteed, she will back off on the sniper attacks when you shine the light on her life. Unfortunately, some unhappily married people are jealous of singles, and try to convince themselves they're doing the right thing by staying with an unsatisfactory mate "when there are so few out there." Proof of that is your "failure" to find a man, any excuse for a man -- which is what she might have at home.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm having decision issues. I've been involved with a man I've fallen in love with since last October. We both confess we like each other but no "I love you." I moved an hour away, and since January we've been casual, since I don't travel to his town much. I asked him why don't we be girlfriend/boyfriend? He says with work, school for another five years and a girlfriend (me) on top of that, it'd be too stressful. He had that situation in the past, but I hear his ex is bi-polar, controlling and clingy. I'm crazy for him. How do I get him to trust me and give me a chance? -- Lost Without Him

 

Dear Lost: This guy has had enough. It was fun when you were physically present in his life -- sex is usually great when the woman is more enthusiastic, and trying to win the man. But now you're "out of sight, out of mind" for him. You say you can't see him because you don't come to his town enough. But If he were crazy about you, he'd be burning up the trail to your place every weekend, only an hour away. Can't break the relationship off, even though he seems to be doing that? Then at least open your eyes to other people in the new place and see if you can find enough interest in a new guy to leave this lukewarm sex-buddy deal.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

 

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 26, 2010 B9

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