DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm embarrassed because one of my friends saw some evidence and he could out me. As a kind of sexy punishment, my girlfriend made me wear her thong under my jeans to a sports practice. I didn't mind wearing it as a gag -- it was kind of fun. But, I was wearing a pair of low jeans and the thong came into view when I bent down to get something out of my equipment bag. My friend from the team saw the V-shape back of this red lace thong, and hooted! I am scared stupid he's going to tell the guys on our team. When he made a crack about it, I tried to pass it off by saying, "My girlfriend made me do it on a dare," and he just gave me a slow smile. That smile scared me. I said "Look, don't be jerk about this. You don't have to tell anyone," and he just kept on smiling. How do I handle this if he tells?
-- Feeling Sick, Winnipeg
Dear Feeling: Since there were just the two of you and no one else as a witness, you could deny it. But, if this dude has a lot of credibility with mutual buddies and your friends are just willing to believe stuff like this, pass it off like it was a blast. "Well it sure turned my girlfriend on! You should try it sometime!" Whatever you do, don't hang your head in shame and embarrassment. Then he's really got you. Mildly kinky sex play is common these days. Let him know your girlfriend's into it and you're having a lot of fun together. They'll be jealous.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a 72-year-old man living in an old part of the city with a lot of widows in houses around me. I'm fully functional and still run every day. One of the women came over to visit on some gardening excuse, and I invited her in. She ended up staying for breakfast. Everything works in that area too, and without the little blue pills. But now she thinks she's my new girlfriend. She most certainly is not! How do I tell her I enjoyed her charms, but I am interested in dating others before I settle down. My wife only died two years ago and I was faithful to her for 45 years -- enough. I'm free now! I wouldn't mind seeing this neighbour lady again, but she'd have to understand I'm not monogamous. Should I ask her if she'd be OK with that, or would she just slap my face? She's 71, and old school and pretty feisty.
-- Freedom First, Weston
Dear Freedom: She's already trying to do the girlfriend thing, so she's not the type to want to be friends-with-privileges. Women who are slightly younger than you (early 60s) and were part of the "free love" hippie mindset might enjoy the same kind of freedom to see whomever they want. This lady is a little too old to understand that way of thinking,and won't be willing to politely take a number.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 14 and I really like this girl who's 16. I know she'd be considered an "older girl" in some circles but she is very petite and naive and goes to my church group. She looks 14. I'm tall and big and could pick her up and carry her. I look 16-17. She likes me and I like her. Anyway, I'm not shy so I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie and she was like: 'You're too young.' I said 'Who needs to know?' And that's the way our secret romance started three months ago. Now I'm starting to feel insulted by being her secret. Today I told her I was telling my friends and she said, 'Then you have nothing to tell because I'm not seeing you anymore' and she got bright red and walked away fast. Now what?
-- Missing her Smile, North End
Dear Missing: Let her cool down. You have called her bluff and now she has to make a decision and so do you. She was mad at being pushed to the wall on this issue, so she gave you a rude rejection as her answer. She may go home, have a cry at the loss of you, and a talk with her closest friends. She may come back to you with a different attitude. If she doesn't, and says you can only see her if you stay in hiding, it's your turn to walk. If you can get a 16-year-old girlfriend, you can surely get a great girlfriend your own age. You'll need one who's mature for 14 or 15, now you've had a "older woman," but they're not impossible find.