Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Wake up, buddy! She's using you

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm single, but madly in love with a girl at work. Our relationship is on the down low, as her boyfriend says he'll fight me if I talk to her. Now I'm not exactly a small guy and can definitely hold my own, but it's not what she wants. Every night she isn't with her boyfriend, she calls and we talk until she falls asleep. I know this sounds bad and I've been told by others to just back off. Unfortunately, it's not something I can do, as right now we are best friends. I see her at least four times a week and talk to her almost every night. She makes me happier then I have ever been, but I get really hurt when I see her with her boyfriend who tends to make her cry. She says she doesn't see them being together forever and tells me she can see us growing old together. But, she still she stays with him. Help! I'd do anything for her!

-- Confused, Fort Richmond

Dear Confused: You're playing two painful roles: office boyfriend and ego repairman. If you were first on her list, she'd be at your place, not making love with her real boyfriend and calling you later for a debriefing session (of the emotional kind). She's trying hard to get him to love her -- big challenge. You, on other hand, love her too much -- no challenge. If you get yourself a real girlfriend, this one might try to take you to bed once or twice and rope you back. But you won't. Here's the romantic irony: By providing the nightly ego-boosting, you enable her to stay with the guy who doesn't love her for yet another night. She also dangles you as jealousy bait . Look, she's no prize. Any woman who has to be in contact with one or the other guy 24/7 has an endless need for attention and contact.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was at The Forks when I saw my ex-fiancée coming towards me. I left her a week before the wedding many years ago. I stayed out of province ever since. She had a man with her and he was coming for me too, with his hand out to shake. He said he just wanted to "thank me for his wonderful wife." Then I turned to her, thinking she was going to thank me too, and she slapped me so hard across the face I fell sideways. She said, "I've been waiting 13 years to do that, you spineless creep!" Then she burst out crying and her husband led her away. You'd think she'd have gotten over me by now. Marrying her would have been a mistake because I was still in love with my ex who I married three months later and have stayed with to this day. Why did she hit me, and then cry like a baby? This is 2009 already. Why doesn't she get over me?

-- Still Crying Over Spilled Milk, St. Boniface

Dear Crying: Wake up! You still don't "get" this was a set-up planned a long time ago if your jilted ex ever ran into you. And, there are many reasons that lady might have cried after hitting you, such as 1) The dam broke, and the tears finally flowed over the biggest humiliation of her life; 2) She's not the violent type and felt like she'd lowered herself; 3) It felt so darn good, she was crying out of relief. No doubt my readers can think of many other reasons why she might have clouted you, but none of them will include her not being over you. Get a grip, pal!

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 2, 2009 D5

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